It flourishes that is forbidden
by Jupiler Renard
Summary: When you're in love, you agonise about how to tell that special person. You forget to ask yourself, "Is this really love? Am I really in it? And how do I know for sure?" You're so caught up in it, it's almost selfish.  Full summary inside  F/F, M/F
1. What The Fork

Full Summary

When you're in love, you agonise about how to tell that special person. You forget to ask yourself, "Is this really love? Am I really in it? And how do I know for sure?" You're so caught up in it, it's almost selfish. Faith has spent her whole life living solely for herself. But now she's Miss Redemption-In-Progress, and she won't say the words until she knows for sure. F/F, M/F

Disclaimer

Almost none of the characters or places in the following story belong to me. They belong to Joss Whedon and Dark Horse.

This is a fan fiction centring around Faith Lehane post-Chosen. I'm trying to incorporate Season 8 where I can, so there will be spoilers. But the story will also go wildly AU, because I haven't actually read Season 8, and because I already have a vague plan for the plot (crazy, I know). The maturity rating is also subject to change.

Oh, and just to be clear. This is Faith (or at least a poor re-interpretation thereof): monogamy isn't her strong suit. I have a feeling mono-sexuality might not be either. *TherewillalsobesomeFuffy* Glad I got that off my chest.

Ta.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 1<span>

"What the hell? What did you just do?"

"It's called a Fork." Giles said patiently, tweaking the position of his glasses on his nose.

"It's called not fair! This is a stupid game."

"Faith, we talked about this. It's all about strategy."

"I don't do strategy, Giles. I just kick ass."

"Kick ass though you may, nonetheless you ought to at least be able to recognise different strategies. In case your enemies use them against you."

"Whatever. Chess is for geeks."

"Faith, cooperate. Imagine the enemy used a Fork against you. What would you do?"

"Give them a pie?" the look Giles gave her silenced her. "Alright. Jeez. I'd sacrifice the less important chess-piece." She looked down at the chessboard between them, at the plastic castle and queen both threatened by the miniature white horse. "The rook, right? Stupid knight."

"Right." Giles nodded. "But you do realise that in a fight you will be sacrificing a human life. And that you will have only split seconds to decide. So make sure you choose well."

"That's easy, Giles. I'd save myself each time," Faith assured him with a laugh.

Giles sighed. "Just remember that strategy is important."

–:::–

_Just remember that strategy is important…_ Faith sighed. It didn't matter how strategic she was, Giles would never agree, would argue. _Damn can he argue so much better than me … thank God he doesn't have to agree, or I'd never get my way…_

"Giles–" this conversation was never going to be easy, but she hadn't thought it would be so hard to instigate.

"Faith?" Giles asked, adjusting his glasses as he looked up from his book.

"I can't do this any more."

"What do you mean? Do what any more?" he didn't sound worried yet. Somehow that made it easier.

"Do this travelling around putting less-than-perfect Slayers back on the straight and narrow."

Giles blinked. "Why ever not?"

"I'm getting dependent on you." She paused, gathered her thoughts. "I'm broke. It's your money we're using. And it ain't right. This ain't a partnership anymore."

"Faith–"

"Don't tell me it ain't my business how you spend your money. It is when you're spending it on me. And it ain't right. I'm–" she swallowed. "I'm out."

"Out?" Giles asked, nonplussed.

"Do I have to spell it out for you? I'm leaving, Giles. I'm sorry, but I gotta find my own way."

There. She'd said it. Now it was only a matter of time before he ran out of counter-arguments. Then she could leave. Or should she just storm out now? No. She owed it to him to pretend to listen.

She pushed her hair back, out of her eyes. Had she started dozing off? She blinked herself back awake. Giles was still talking, gesticulating, pacing back and forth. Didn't he understand yet that nothing he said would change her mind? None of his reasoning mattered. _But god is it boring. _She folded her arms._ I could really use a smoke about now._

–:::–

"Damien? You're taking _Damien_ and not me?" Roxelana's voice was tight, scarcely reining in her outrage.

"Jealous?" Damien smirked.

"Worried!" Roxelana stormed, "He'll blow your cover in five seconds. Then he'll make a run for it like the damn coward he is. And bang, you're dead, Faith."

"Screw you, grandma! No one talks to me like that! You wanna see who the coward is? I'll kill you right now–"

"You guys." Faith spoke finally, "Shut it."

They fell silent and Faith continued.

"My word's final. Damien comes, Roxy, you stay." Faith rose from her chair and came to stand in front of her desk. "Damien, go get ready. Tonight you're my very human fiancé."

Roxelana waited until Damien had left before bursting out again: "You have to be kidding. This is a joke, right?"

"No, Roxy." Faith sighed, "Listen, it's just dinner. It'll be fine."

"They're Slayers. Doing recon on Slayers is never just 'fine'. You don't even know if they're part of the Summers army, or renegade." said Roxelana darkly. "And you're taking that idiot–"

"Drop the name-calling already, it ain't like he can hear. And they may not even be Slayers, for all I know we got the wrong couple. Anyway, it's equally dangerous, whether it's you or Damien coming. You're both vampires, for God's sake."

"So why him and not me?"

"We have to pretend to be a couple, for starters."

"Since when did you get homophobic?"

"Roxy." Faith didn't deem her question worthy of an answer. "The Slayers –what're their names again?"

"Chazza and Trudy," Roxelana supplied easily.

"Chazza and Trudy," Faith repeated, committing their names to memory. "I told them I'd bring my fiancé, and since same-sex marriage is banned in Ohio, they are expecting a guy. Which Damien is, and you definitely are not."

"We could say we're eloping? Massachusetts isn't so far. And the Slayers are lovers, so that would give us something in common. Y'know, conversation-starter–"

"Stop it," Faith cut her off. "It's possible to try too hard, you know that? Anyway. The other reason is you're second-in-command."

"So is Damien."

"Would you give it up already?" Faith said tiredly. "You know that's just to keep him in line. If I didn't make him equal with you, he'd just walk out and start making trouble of the apocalyptic kind."

"He wouldn't do that," Roxelana muttered, "he respects you too much for killing that Slayer. You're the Slayer-slayer. You know that's what keeps half the demons here following your orders."

Faith ignored her. "The point is, if something goes wrong tonight, it will be ten times more useful to have you on the outside than it would be if you were stuck in there with me. Damien is expendable."

"Now that I like to hear," Roxelana grinned.

Faith allowed herself a small, tight smile, "We done arguing then?"

"Just be careful, alright?" the vampire planted a kiss on Faith's lips.


	2. Faith, Hope & Trick

Chapter 2

Faith took a last drag on her cigarette before flinging it down on the porch floor and stubbing it out with the heel of her boot.

"Play nice, yo." She reminded Damien as the front door swung open.

"Come on in, Hope! Heya, you must be the lucky guy," Chazza greeted them. She was a naturally loud person, and not just vocally: she wore her bright green hair in a boycut, her fringe currently a gravity-defying quiff. There was nothing about her that didn't scream for attention.

Trudy had, by contrast, a more conventional beauty. Her hair was long and dark and fell in artful waves to her elbows, and the short floral dress she wore left nothing to the imagination.

It took Damien a full second to remember he was supposed to pretend to breathe.

"Kitten," he said, sucking in a deep breath and wrapping an arm around Faith's waist, "What was your opinion on foursomes again?"

Faith ignored him and instead addressed Chazza and Trudy, who clearly had no idea how to respond. "Translated roughly, Damien likes you. Did I mention it might be a good idea to invest in earplugs? Y'know, for those unfortunate times when he decides to open his mouth."

"Mi_aow_," Chazza laughed as they stepped into the house.

"In answer to your question, Damien, I think that was a big fat no," Trudy smiled sweetly. "Wine, anyone? We have Chardonnay."

Damien landed a kiss on Faith's cheek, "Jealous? You know I'm a one-woman kinda guy, kitten." He glanced up at Chazza and Trudy. "Did Hope already tell you we're honey-mooning in the Bahamas?"

"Yeah, I think I could pretty much put up with the sexual comments if that was one of the perks," said Chazza.

"One of many," Damien replied. "But I guess since the foursome plan is off the table you won't be finding out about that."

"That _is_ a shame." Trudy said gravely. " 'cause, y'know, I'm just _so_ into guys."

"The sarcasm phase," Damien nodded knowingly. "I remember it well. It was two dates before Hope moved on to the lust phase."

Trudy rolled her eyes. "You really need to work on your conversation skills, buddy."

"But I was just getting to the cute part!" Damien protested. "About how you crushing on me would be flattering, but a huge pain in the ass, because I'm strictly off limits. I'm all about my girl now. And I wouldn't have it any other way," _mwah_, the kiss smacked loudly on Faith's forehead. "I love you, kitten."

_Oh no he didn't!_ Faith choked. _Damn. Just say it, just say it._ "Love you too, babe."

"I'd give that seven and a half out of ten for cuteness," Trudy allowed, crossing her arms. "Room for improvement."

"You're just jealous of our love." Damien grinned.

_He is enjoying this way too much. Jackass. _Faith seethed internally._ He knows if he ever tried this couple-y crap for real, there'd be a pile of dust on my pillow faster than he can blink._

"Did someone mention wine? Think I could use some right about now." Faith muttered.

–:::–

Trudy and Chazza withdrew to the kitchen with the empty plates.

"So who do you think wears the pants?" Damien asked conversationally once the kitchen door had shut.

"What?"

"Chazza and Trudy. As in, who do you think gets to be on top?"

"Damien, are you _deficient?_" Faith hissed, her voice low, "They might have Slayer hearing."

"I don't think they're paying attention to anyone but each other at the moment," Damien chuckled. "It's Trudy, by the way. I know, right? You'd think Chazza."

"What are you talking about?"

"Aren't you _listening?_"

"I'm being polite. You should try it some time."

"Polite? How out of character can you get!" Damien scoffed. "Being a stubborn pain in the ass for no good reason? Now that's right up your street. And I refuse to give a damn – hey, guess what? Trudy's pinning Chazza against the kitchen sink and trying to convince her there's time for a quickie."

"I don't want a goddamn commentary–"

"Won't be long now. Trudy's already got a hand down Chazza's pants, and I think that sliding sound was her fly – wait, Chazza's making a comeback."

"Would you just give them a break?"

"Why? This is recon. You're the one who said we needed to find out everything about them."

Faith bit her lip. "Fine." She said, turning her attention to the wall dividing them from the kitchen.

"– and we have guests," Chazza was saying.

"Guests who suggested a foursome! I should so have taken him up on that." Trudy pouted. "But fine, whatever. Just remember that you owe me."

Chazza smiled. "Sure, sweetie."

"You can start by calling me kitten."

"Kitten?" Chazza sounded amused. "Are you serious?"

"What? I thought it sounded hot when the vamp said it."

Faith and Damien froze. They'd found the Slayers.

"Run," Faith found her voice first. "I'll tell them you got a call and there was some kind of emergency."

"I'm not leaving." Damien replied. "Roxelana would never let me forget it. I'm not a coward, _kitten_." He spat the last word. "Besides, if they were going to do something, they would have done it by now."

Chazza and Trudy came in with dessert.

"So Damien, did Hope tell you how we met?" Trudy asked, and went on when Damien shook his head. "She tried to save our asses from this huge dem– um, this huge biker guy."

"Tried and failed," Faith interjected, ignoring Trudy's slip. "I still don't know how you managed to not get your asses seriously whooped."

"Hey, I'm stronger than I look." Trudy replied with a grin.

"That, and Hope kinda distracted him so we had time to get a handle on the situation," Chazza added. "Lucky he punched you in the direction of the couches. If you'd hit anything else you'd be in a hospital right now. You must be crazy bruised as it is."

"Crazy," Faith agreed. _Crazy how life throws these curve balls. I never would have had you pinned as possible Slayers if you hadn't survived. And I wouldn't have tried so hard to set this all up._

"So that's why we're here, huh," Damien said, "You invited us to dinner, not out of the goodness of your hearts, but to try to pay off the debt."

"Anything for our knight in shining leather," Trudy grinned.

"Speaking of debt, I think we know how to even the score." Chazza said.

Damien glanced in Chazza's direction, and that was when Trudy threw her stake.

Faith screamed.

"Damien! Shit!"

They were all on their feet now, all except Damien, who no longer had feet because he had been reduced to a pile of dust.

"Hope, stay calm," Chazza said, "I know how this looks–"

"Like a hell of a practical joke," Faith laughed nervously. "How did you do that anyway?"

She looked from the pile of dust to Chazza and Trudy's slightly dumbfounded expressions.

"Um." said Chazza. "This isn't some kind of Houdini act, see, it's kinda hard to explain, but–"

"He's dead." said Trudy bluntly. "He was a vampire, we're vampire slayers. Pretty much the whole deal."

Faith let her eyes travel away from the Slayers and back to the pile of dust on Damien's chair, let her chest start to heave a little – let the Slayers think she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"Hope!" Chazza's hands were on her shoulders, turning her away from the dust pile. "Don't freak out on us, please, we had to kill him–"

"He's r–really dead? This isn't just some practical joke?" now with the trembling of the lower lip.

"He was going to kill you if we let him go. I'm so, so sorry. I know how much he meant to you." Chazza's sincere worry somehow made the role more real to Faith,

"What are you _talking_ about? He would never want to kill me. He _loved_ me." Rapid blinking of the eyes, as if tears were just barely being held back. "We were getting married next month!"

"He was a vampire, Hope." Chazza said softly. "Vampires don't know what love is."

"Vampires." Faith repeated. Chazza and Trudy thought she sounded calmer. The thought was short-lived. "You're both fucking insane. I'm calling the police. Before you decide I'm a vampire too."

Faith started walking in the direction of the door, but she didn't even make it out of the dining room. Chazza blocked her way.

"Hope, please." Chazza's voice was soft. "Do you see a body? Do you see Damien's corpse?"

Faith didn't reply.

"No." Chazza answered for her. "Because there is no corpse. It'll be your word against ours." She paused. "Besides, how many people do you know that turn to dust when you stab them?"

"Excuse me?" Faith demanded. "I don't make a habit of stabbing people!"

"Alright, but it doesn't take a genius to work out that people bleed when they get stabbed!" Trudy said, bored. "Don't you know anything? Vampires turn to dust when you stake them. That's like common knowledge, even for non-Slayers."

"Vampires don't exist." Faith said, making her voice small and shaky, like the world she knew was on the brink of collapse.

"Oh, come _on_. Naïve, much?" Trudy muttered. "You work at a demon club. Don't tell me you haven't seen a couple strange-looking customers. That biker guy who knocked you flying was a goddamn demon. Jesus."

Chazza shot Trudy a look that said 'shut up, you're going too far'. Faith saw it, and squeezed a few tears out.

"I was in love with him." She sniffled.

"It's OK, sweetie." Chazza led her into the kitchen. "It isn't your fault he was a lying bastard. You just sit, we'll clear up. Then break another bottle of wine out."

Chazza left her and went back into the dining room with a dustpan and brush.

Faith listened to the Slayers talking softly to each other:

"I so didn't figure her for a crybaby."

"It's always hard when you first find out demons exist, sweetie."

"Yeah, well I didn't cry about it. Jeez." Trudy said, grumpy. Then she brightened suddenly, "Hey, you think she might be up for a threesome? It would be like her rebound–"

"Trudy," Chazza cut her off, "Sometimes I think this whole Slaying gig has desensitised you, sweetie."

"Huh? Yeah, well," a good comeback did not immediately present itself. "You're supposed to be calling me 'kitten', so there." Trudy reckoned it was better than no comeback at all.

Chazza ignored her. "Sweetie, you're not being fair. Remember she just lost her fiancé."

And Trudy shut up, Faith noted with satisfaction.

"Maybe we should ring Buffy, and get the super-witch to do damage control." Chazza mused. "Hope might be better off not remembering this."

And with that Faith's peace of mind was shattered.

–:::–

She was exhausted, and her body was aching. She should have been able to sleep on the bus journey to LA, the second front. But Sunnydale was too close to the surface, and she couldn't stop thinking about all that had happened. Buffy's life had never had so little direction. _I can do whatever I want with my life now._ Somehow the thought wasn't as liberating as it should have been. _So what do I do? Is this how it is for non-Slayers all the time, never knowing what to do with their lives?_

Unable to sleep and too tired to think, Buffy found herself tuning into others' conversation.

Faith was with Robin Wood, her expression unreadable.

"Hey, stay awake."

"You still here?" Wood blinked sleepily. "Shouldn't you be in full-on blowing-me-off mode?"

Faith chuckled. "I'm kinda trying to overcome my defensive, isolationist Slayer crap."

Wood chuckled. "Maybe I should nearly die more often."

"Not exactly out of the woods yet, in case you hadn't noticed," Faith replied. Then bit her tongue. "I mean, stay positive. People survive stabs to the stomach all the time."

"I'm optimistic," Wood smiled. "So, assuming I'm one of the many who survive stabs to the stomach, where does that leave us?"

It was a bigger question than Faith knew how to deal with, and she hesitated, taking a few long seconds to respond. "I'm thinking … I'm thinking I could use a friend right about now," she replied finally. "Y'know, if you're one of those decent guys you seem to know so much about." she grinned.

"Man, I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut," Wood feigned a sigh, then flashed her a smile. "Nah, I would like that." He paused. "Now would you let me sleep?"

"Yeah, let me think about that – how about no?" Faith replied. "You gotta stay awake, alert, that means no sleeping. Here's a couple more Don'ts to add to the list: don't close your eyes, don't stop talking to me, don't go towards the light – hey, are you listening to me?"

There was a friendly intimacy to their conversation that Buffy missed. The kind of boost she would have got from Willow, if she hadn't been with Kennedy, or Xander, if he hadn't been staring so determinedly out of the window, fighting back the tears. Saving them from his grief, because they deserved to enjoy their victory, and because mourning the death of a demon hardly seemed appropriate.

"Please go back to the defensive isolationism. I'm so tired."

"Stop complaining. You should be thanking me, I'm saving your life."

"But I'm _tired_."

"Plenty of time to sleep when you get to a hospital. Trust me, I know all about that."

Buffy didn't like to listen in, but they were in earshot, and hearing Faith so unreserved, and even caring, was oddly uplifting. If also a little annoying. _Jeez. I got stabbed in the stomach too. Where's my complimentary babysitter?_

"Hey, appreciate me." Faith reproached him playfully. "Soon as everything's under control, I'm turning myself back in. I give it a week, tops."

"What?" Wood was genuinely shocked. So was Buffy. "You're going back to gaol? Why?"

Faith shrugged. "World's saved, right? Mission accomplished as far as I'm concerned. Besides, I haven't exactly done my time, y'know. And I'm done screwing up, I'm done running from my screw-ups. Don't worry," she said suddenly, "I'm not about to screw up with you. I'll make sure you make it to hospital."

"I don't know about that," Wood disagreed, "You might exhaust me to death yet. Not that talking to you isn't great. It's just, y'know, the whole forcing me to stay awake despite all this pain and tiredness."

"And this is how decent guys show their appreciation for women, huh?"

Buffy couldn't repress the smile that curled across her face.

_Faith, _she wondered,_ When did this happen? When did you grow up?_

_When did you become someone I want to know?_

–:::–

"Where's Damien?" Roxelana looked past Faith, then back at her worriedly, checking her over for injuries, when she realised he wasn't there.

"Dust. Dead." Faith sighed. "We found the Slayers. We'll have to set some kind of watch on them and make sure they don't catch on to us."

"Shit." said Roxelana. She took Faith's arm and led her to the couch. "Shit. I didn't really think tonight would be so dangerous. This sucks. I'm going to miss him."

"You don't have to pretend to be sad, Roxy," said Faith with a little smile.

"Alright, it's true I won't miss him," Roxelana admitted, "he took up too much bed-space, and we never hit it off: he saved all his charm for you. But I'm not pretending to be sad. I don't like when you're unhappy."

"I'm not upset," said Faith.

"I said unhappy," murmured Roxelana, moving closer and putting a comforting arm around Faith's waist, " 'upset' is your word." She started kissing Faith's neck. "And it's OK to be upset."

Faith frowned, too tired to be genuinely annoyed, "Whatever. I'm not upset. It's just I've been playing the upset lover for over an hour, and now it's in my system, it won't get out."

"Some actress," Roxelana smiled. She slid her hand up Faith's thigh. Faith sighed and leaned into her. Then she put a hand on Roxelana's, stopping her.

"I'm sorry, Roxy," she said, "I'm not feeling it tonight."

Roxelana stopped nuzzling Faith's neck, kissed her cheek once, and turned her hand palm-up to hold Faith's. She saw how drained Faith was.

"That's OK," she said, "But let me lie beside you. Let me take care of you, baby."

Faith could feel her body tingling. If it had been anyone else, Faith might have thrown them out of her flat. But she loved it when Roxelana called her 'baby'.

She let Roxelana guide her to bed.

"Want me to get you a drink?" Roxelana asked, tucking her in.

"I think I have some JD in the–"

"Hot chocolate coming right up,"

"Mm. I changed my mind. Hot chocolate sounds way better." She looked at Roxelana's grinning face, "you know me too well."

Some time later, Roxelana crept into bed beside Faith. Faith, lying on her back, tilted her head to look at her sleepily. Roxelana slipped an arm over Faith's stomach, her body warm against hers.

"How come you're warm?"

Roxelana chuckled beside her, "you only noticed now? I was sitting next to the radiator for a half-hour waiting for you to get back."

"I love when you're warm."

"The distinct lack of loving going on right now suggests otherwise." Roxelana pouted. But Faith had already drifted half to sleep and didn't reply, maybe hadn't even heard.

Roxelana tried to follow her to sleep. But it was so noisy. The soft red _throb-throb_ threatened her control at all hours of the day, but never more so than now, in the silent hours of slumber when humanity lay so helpless.

Faith's pulse sang to her through vein and skin, so loud she could smell it, could see it in the dark, dancing blackly up her throat. The blood. She felt her lust for it wake.

_No._

But her will was not enough. She could feel her face deforming and kept very still so as not to wake the Slayer. She could only hope to win if she took Faith by surprise.

_No._ The other lust stirred.

_How many vampires could say they had slept with a Slayer, consensually at least? How many vampires could say they had made a Slayer scream, and not from pain? _She thought on the immortalised names of vampires who had killed Slayers, brought Slayers to their knees. _But my Slayer is on her knees most every night, and willingly. Tell me that is not the sweeter victory._

Roxelana was building a legacy, and she wasn't done with the Slayer just yet. Or so she told herself.

The song of Faith's blood fell to whispers and she felt her face settle, and the demon did not devour her.

Roxelana was sure getting to sleep had never used to be so hard.


	3. The Point Of No Return

Chapter 3

They were sitting in the lounge of the Hyperion, Robin Wood had been hospitalised and Faith felt at a loose end. Around her, Slayers dozed while Giles and Angel organised sleeping arrangements.

_Always with the admin and the planning, damn, I can't take this anymore. _She thought in exasperation_. It's 11pm, the night is young._

"I need to get wasted." Faith announced, to no one in particular. "Put this all behind me, y'know?" she got up from where she had been sitting and prepared to leave the rest of the assembled Slayers and friends.

"So do I." It was Kennedy. "Let's all just get Sunny Dale off our minds. C'mon."

Angel and Giles shared a glance. "Um. Certainly." Giles said. "I don't see why not, I mean, exercise due caution, of course, but…"

Faith zoned out, noticing that all the Slayers were getting up.

"Tell me this didn't just become a freaking Slayer expedition." Faith muttered.

"So much for the solitary drinking," Faith turned to see that it was Buffy who had spoken, a knowing smile on her lips.

Faith shrugged. "Hey, so long as there's drinking involved, I can deal."

Buffy snorted.

–:::–

In event, they ended up at Vanguard, a warehouse-cum-club. Faith contemplated making a getaway, finding a quiet bar where she could sit with a drink and smoke, but that lasted only until she felt the first hum of the bass shuddering through the floor. That was when she knew a quietly alcoholic night was the last thing she wanted.

"Oh my God. Have you seen how much they're charging for a drink?" Buffy squeaked, shooing underage Slayers from the bar. _Always the responsible one._ Faith sighed. _I guess someone has to be._

"B, this is LA. It was always going to be overpriced. But I haven't exactly been spending much the last couple of weeks, have you?" Faith replied, catching the bartender's eye.

"What's this?" Buffy demanded as Faith handed her a shot glass.

"Pernod." said Faith innocently. "Kinda like Sambuca. But better."

"I'm not–"

It was Xander who stopped her. "You just saved the world. Again. The word Not shouldn't even be in your vocabulary. No one's coming after us. We have to live it up while we can."

"Amen to that." Buffy agreed, knocking back the glass.

–:::–

Faith danced with typical abandon, her head buzzing pleasantly from the last few drinks. Now and then she spared a glance at the bar, keeping an eye on Xander and Buffy there. Xander had declined to dance, and Buffy wouldn't leave his side. _She doesn't want him to be alone while he's hurting,_ Faith knew. But she also observed how Xander powered through drink after drink, accompanied by a somewhat resigned Buffy. _They'll both be under the table if someone doesn't break up their little pity fest._

It wasn't difficult to direct a woman to the bar, with a drink and a vague "from my friend. He's kinda shy."

Job done, Faith was about to turn back into the faceless crowd.

Then Shania Twain came on. She blasted from all speakers, an optimistic bombshell.

Whether it was the alcohol, Faith could never be sure. _But suddenly, I feel like a woman_.

She glanced around. Saw Buffy sitting at the bar, her back to the people dancing, lonely now that Xander was occupied.

She had no memory of leaving the dance floor: just found herself at Buffy's side, tugging on her elbow.

"Faith?"

"C'mon, B. Let's dance." Faith grinned. "Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the solitary drinking. But you look bored as hell."

Buffy flicked her eyes sideways to look at Xander, then back at the drink in her hand. "There's still half the bottle left, I can't just–"

"Down it, B."

"What? No, I couldn't–" she started to protest.

"B, are you a Slayer or what? You telling me you can kill demons but drinking a little beer is just too much to handle?"

"Oh, fine." Buffy muttered, relenting.

"Now will you come dance with me?" But this time she was asking for more than dancing.

"Like you even have to ask."

–:::–

Back at the hotel and suddenly it occurred to Faith that having sex might ruin the tenuous friendship that she and Buffy had managed to construct.

"You sure about this, B?" even as she said it, the question sounded faintly ridiculous. Most of their clothes had already been shed and Buffy was lying on top of her in a way that suggested friendship had never been further from her mind.

"Are you kidding?" Buffy spluttered, half-laughing, half-outraged. "You spend the last couple of hours seducing me and now, _now_ you're hesitating?"

"I wouldn't call it seducing, but yeah." Faith said seriously, "I don't want to fuck up what we have."

"So just fuck me?" Buffy smiled sweetly.

"Is it as simple as that?" Faith asked. Somehow she didn't trust that smile.

"Yes! The way we were dancing, we were practically having sex right there on the dance floor! And your hand did _not_ just accidentally fall down the front of my jeans!" Buffy couldn't help being impatient. She had been so close to having what she wanted and now it looked like it was about to be snatched away. "We're _drunk_." She said, more softly now, and paused to lean in and suck at the fabric covering Faith's nipple, sliding a hand around Faith's back to unhook and help her out of her bra. She drew her mouth away as she pulled the bra aside, shifting forward to look into Faith's eyes and letting her hand move up to massage the place her mouth had vacated. "Tomorrow it'll be like it never happened, nothing will have changed. I swear." She liked the sounds Faith was making. They told her she had almost won. She kissed Faith gently, tantalisingly. "Is that OK?"

Maybe it was the alcohol and the lust getting the better of her judgement, but these terms sounded better than OK to Faith.

"Five by five," she said, suddenly breathless, and pulled Buffy back down into a kiss.

–:::–

Faith opened her eyes slowly. Sunlight shone through a hole in the curtains, dazzling her. When she had grown accustomed to the light, she looked around her. Saw Buffy, and realised it wasn't just the blankets that had been keeping her warm.

Her breath caught in her throat. She reached out to touch Buffy's lips – and stopped herself. She could feel all the places Buffy had kissed her tingling like it had been moments ago, not hours.

_Shit._ Faith thought desperately. _What is this?_

Her eyes felt stuck on that body. She forced herself to look away, but her gaze kept being drawn back to Buffy.

_Maybe I should ring room service, get her breakfast in bed._

_Am I shitting me? Shiiit._

_I'm not – I'm not in – no, don't even think it –_

Faith couldn't believe she was still in the bed. She ought to be halfway out the door by now. But she didn't want to find someone new, didn't want to run away from Buffy. She wanted to stay and try to make this work. More than wanted to, was desperate to.

_Oh God. B'll kill me. I can't fuck everything up all over again._

_Need a shower. It'll all seem different after a shower._

–:::–

The sound of water pounding out of the shower woke Buffy. She stretched and yawned and thought fondly about the previous night.

_So this is what it feels like to be Faith._ She couldn't help smiling. _Not bad. I could get used to this no-strings-attached stuff._

Something red on her shoulder caught her eye and she craned her neck around to get a better look. _That is a hell of a hickey. It better heal up before anyone sees it._

For a second she was lost in daydreams. _I didn't think I'd remember so much … maybe I wasn't as drunk as I thought last night? Ha, good one, brain. I'd never have gone home with Faith if I hadn't been completely, totally, one-hundred-percent wasted._

She wondered impatiently how long Faith was going to spend in the shower. She had to go before anyone else woke up and noticed that they had slept in the same room. _That would be so humiliating._

–:::–

Faith stepped, dripping, out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. Her head felt a lot clearer and her thoughts and feelings concerning Buffy weren't worrying her half as much as they had been.

Last night had been a lot of fun – her chest was still stinging where the soap and water of the shower had irritated the half-healed scratch marks left by someone's too-passionate nails – but nothing more. It was just alien to think of herself being in a relationship with anyone, let alone Buffy. She chuckled at the thought. There was never a more mismatched pair in the world.

_Just some post-sex delusion. Good to be me again. _She thought in relief as she made her way out of the bathroom.

_Wouldn't mind doing it again sometime; she was a good fuck. But I feel like doing a man tonight._

–:::–

Buffy passed by her, coolly comfortable, still in the midst of fuzzy replays of the night before. _Goddamn, she took her sweet time circling around and around with her tongue, making me wait and shake and beg. She enjoyed that far, far too much. _Buffy pursed her lips, her mouth gone dry_. And God knows I did too._

She turned the shower on. Maybe it was the sudden rush of water falling on her head that jumbled her thoughts, but suddenly she was thinking less about how good the sex had been and more about how good it had been to have sex with Faith.

_Unsexy drunken moments aside, it felt amazing. And not weird. And really right._

_Why didn't I get in the shower with her?_

Buffy closed her eyes. Imagined Faith was with her – _kissing and biting her way up my thigh again_ – and shivered with delight.

_We would totally work as a couple._

All modesty forgotten, she really wanted to confide everything to someone. She wanted to talk to Faith.

_But – but – it was a one-off thing. We said it was a one-off thing. God, was I insane when I said that? I can't tell her how I feel. She'll run away._

Tell Willow? Willow would understand. Buffy suddenly didn't care who knew about the night she and Faith had spent together. Provided that Faith returned her feelings, so it wouldn't look like she had just used Buffy.

_Oh God_, Buffy thought, tortured, _what if she really didn't feel anything? What if it wasn't good for her and she can't stand me?_

_I'll make her love me. I can be cool and indifferent and pretend it was just a one-time thing._

_But I can make her love me. We can make this work._

Buffy couldn't even remember how she'd felt before stepping into the shower.


	4. You're In Love

Chapter 4

Faith woke, her cheek damp with the terror of nightmares. She'd turned on to her side in the night, but Roxelana's arm was still slung over her, keeping her close, and Faith could feel her body pressed lightly against her back.

Faith heard her mumble as Faith tried unsuccessfully to get up without waking her, then Roxelana's lips were on the back of her neck, planting a soft kiss.

Faith shivered.

"Don't get up yet. It's too early," Roxelana mumbled, "Please, baby."

There was no greater combination of words than 'baby' and 'please'. Faith was powerless. She lowered herself back into Roxelana's arms without a second thought.

"Alright, Roxy," she whispered.

'Baby' was bad enough on its own. Roxelana didn't overuse it, and she didn't say it like a mother to an infant, or like a boy to a girl whose name he can't remember. When Roxelana said 'baby', she could make it mean anything. Sometimes it meant 'I want you' and others 'person I can't live without'. The way Roxelana said it, made it the most sexy, romantic word Faith had ever heard.

And 'please, baby' made Faith think about the first time they had had sex. Without fail. And then she couldn't refuse Roxelana anything, because the memory still made her glow inside.

"I'm so glad it wasn't you last night," she said it without thinking. In a moment, last night was back with her. She closed her eyes, hurt by her own words. Roxelana hugged her gently.

"There's nothing you could have done," she said softly, reassuringly.

"I could've stopped them. I could've done anything." Faith said, "But I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know for sure that they were Slayers, and I didn't want them to know that I was too. God!" _I'm so selfish!_

"You did the right thing. You could have jeopardised the company, yourself – all of us – if they'd found out. You've said it yourself, Buffy Summers would never allow it if she knew. It was necessary."

"Damien, he played along right to the end. I thought he'd give us away. But he kept to the plan–"

"Because he knew it was the smart thing to do," Roxelana hushed her, "Stop beating yourself up about this. It happened the way it had to. Better Damien went out like that than on the end of your stake."

"_What?_" Faith couldn't quite contain her shock, "Roxy, I would never–"

"Never say never," Roxelana chided her gently. "He was young and impressed with you, but he would have got old faster than you think, and bored with you. And then he would have tried to kill you. I'm going to have to go do damage-control on his crew as it is: make sure they don't get any ideas about killing a Slayer to make their name."

"Roxy–" Faith didn't want to consider this truth, but it opened the door on another more unwelcome one. "You're – you're going to get bored of me too?"

She felt Roxelana grow still beside her. Then–

"Not for a decade at least," she said, and Faith could feel her smiling, "I'm older than Damien, I know how to savour the things I like," then she shrugged, "it'll be when you start to show signs of ageing. When you're thirty-five, thirty-seven?"

It was times like these that the demon in Roxelana was painfully noticeable.

"I know you don't want to hear this," said Roxelana, "but I want you to know the truth, so there's less chance of me killing you when the time comes. So you aren't so surprised."

"I don't want to think about it now," said Faith, steeling herself against this truth, against that future, wishing she were ever-young.

"I'm sorry, baby," said Roxelana, and Faith melted again.

–:::–

It had been difficult acting as though nothing had happened between them, as if nothing had changed.

_I suppose for Faith nothing __**has**__ changed._ Buffy thought miserably. _That was the deal._

She kept finding excuses that brought her, sometimes indirectly, sometimes directly, into contact with Faith. Because she couldn't stay away. It pained her to admit it, but she had no time to herself now, or maybe it was that there was too much time – because Faith filled every second. Every second that there wasn't something to be done, an emergency to attend to – and that was every second. Because this was the calm between storms, the convalescence between apocalypses. _God, where's an apocalypse when you need one?_

But she didn't want one, not really, not if she was honest. It was too easy to hide behind matters of life and death.

"Woman found stabbed to death."

Buffy jerked her head out of her hands and stared around her in shock. Faith had just walked into the lounge of the Hyperion, a newspaper open in her hands.

"Pinprick-sized stab wounds to the neck. You think maybe this is the kind of stabbing job we should look into?" Faith glanced over the paper at Buffy. _Oh, those eyes_… Buffy felt her lungs go into automatic emergency lock-down.

_Oh, breathe._ Said the unimpressed emergency voice in her mind. _Get your head out of the gutter. You weren't the only one in her bed that night. Definitely some two-person action going on. You can't fake lust, right? That means she had to, has to, feel something._

Buffy realised she was still staring mindlessly at Faith. Realised that Faith had asked her a question.

"Uhh …" _well, this could go one of two ways_, said the cool, unflappable emergency voice in her head. "… No." Buffy guessed.

Faith glanced back at Buffy, eyebrow raised in mild surprise. And Buffy realised that she'd been silent for so long that Faith had given up waiting for an answer.

"What's with you today?" Faith asked, head tilting to one side. She paused. "It's the newspaper, am I right? Surprised I can read, B?"

"Hey! No!" The insult jolted her out of emergency mode. "Don't try and turn that on me–"

She saw the look on Faith's face, the gentle humour, and knew the words before they left Faith's mouth. "Messing, B."

Buffy found herself slack-jawed again. It was disconcerting how, for once when she hadn't been trying desperately to think up a reason to see her, Faith had walked into her life.

Faith slumped down on the couch opposite Buffy, somehow managing to take up the whole couch, dominating it with her presence. _Dominating_… Buffy's mind hummed. Then she was slamming the brakes. _No, no! Out of the gutter! She's right here! Polite conversation!_

"I've been so out of it lately," she said meekly. "It's different, you know, to not be –" she searched for words. Found them on Faith's mouth. _Oh, her mouth_…

"Freaking out that we might die any second?" Faith offered, lips quirking in a crooked half-circle. "S'cool, B. It's different for me too. Nice different. Like maybe there's time to go shopping for once in our lives."

Buffy choked on a laugh. Shopping. How far from her own ideas. "God. The last time I bought myself a dress …" _I can't even remember._ Her eyes returned inexorably to Faith's face. _God, this is so hard._

"Tell me about it." Faith agreed. She flashed another smile. "You had it easy, you didn't get to sit in the cells for three years. Having all the time in the world, and having to watch it go to waste, that's a lesson, for real." She caught Buffy's eye. "I ain't done learning it either."

And the flashing smile was gone, and with it all her humour. Buffy felt the change in mood like a lightning bolt, killing all her lust. Leaving her raw – or was that Faith? And for an instant, all the emotional superfice was stripped away and she saw how deep in she was, how she was drowning and tortured by thirst. _How did this all get so big?_

And Buffy had to save her, save herself. Had to. Because Faith was crumbling, and Buffy was crumbling with her, _and go back to gaol? Go back to gaol?_ Everything in Buffy rebelled against the idea. _Not now, not when I've just started to know you, not now, when I've never been so desperate just to be around you – not now, you can't leave me, never leave me, no!_ and Buffy knew she had to speak, speak like it was her last breath.

"Faith, I just want you to know – I forgive you, OK? For everything. I don't care about any of that any more."

Faith stared at her intently. Taking the wind from her sails. Rejecting the life-line. "You're kidding." And more firmly, "You are kidding." And then almost desperately, "Don't you forgive me, B. Don't. You can't. I can't. The things I've done – don't forget them, don't forgive them. Don't try. There's some things are unforgivable. I'm sorry for what I've done, but that don't make them less. All I can do is atone, B."

"I'm sorry–" _why is it I always do a double-take when I apologise to her? Why can't I just say it to her? Why do I always find it so hard to tell her the simplest things? Why is it so hard to put feelings into words when I'm talking to you? You, and no one else._ "I wasn't trying to – I wasn't trying to say the wrong thing." Buffy cringed. "I mean, what I meant was – please don't go back to gaol." Buffy blurted out. It was the closest she could manage to 'please stay with me'.

"Why?" Faith asked quietly, and Buffy knew from her guarded tone that she should have been more subtle.

"Because I don't want you to." she said miserably.

"It isn't about wanting." Faith replied. "It's about redemption and doing what's right. I'm not above the law, B."

It was too late to backtrack. Buffy already felt like she'd gone in far too deep – _always too deep_ – but she couldn't not argue: it wasn't in her to give up.

"But you've learnt your lesson. I mean, you put your life on the line to save the world – you've saved countless lives, you've repaid the debt. You won't gain anything by locking yourself up for any longer."

"B. That isn't how the American system of justice works." Faith said patiently. "One moment of altruism doesn't cancel out murder." And then, "This isn't up for discussion. It's my choice, end of."

The topic was so firmly closed that for a second Buffy didn't say anything – didn't know what to say.

"I – I'm sorry," she said finally, abashed, and cursing the routine double-take. "I was outta line."

"B, it's cool," Faith laughed. "God, doesn't it make you sick, being so nice all the time?"

Faith wasn't even trying to piss her off, Buffy realised. The question was genuine.

"I feel like I haven't always been fair to you." Buffy said. "I feel like I wrote you off, and you changed when I wasn't watching. I won't write you off again." She paused. "Hey, do you – do you wanna go shopping?"

–:::–

They were in Aéropostale when Faith's phone rang.

"Yeah?" she answered. And then, "Yeah, that's me. Uh huh. OK. Be there as soon as I can. Thanks."

Buffy watched in silence as she hung up.

"I gotta go." Faith said apologetically. "It's Robin."

"Is he OK?"

"He just woke up," Faith said. "Is it cool if I go to the hospital to see him?"

"Sure," Buffy managed to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "You really care about him, huh?" Because she needed to ask, even if she dreaded the answer.

Faith's pause told Buffy everything she needed to know. _Since when does Faith think before she speaks?_

"Of course I care about him. He's–" Faith shrugged, fell silent, chewing on her lip.

_At a loss for words? She's at a loss for words. My God._ Buffy's mind screamed.

Maybe something about the way Buffy was eyeing her filtered through into Faith's consciousness, because she raised her hands, almost placatory.

"Nothing romantic," she said in mild amusement, "not anymore. Nah. He's just a real good guy, you know."

"Sounds like an understatement," Buffy muttered suspiciously, before clamping down on that rebellious part of her mind that had made the decision to speak her thoughts without her conscious approval.

Faith shrugged again. "The guy's there when I need him. Even when I don't think I do. Least I can do is be there for him."

It was the lack of intensity in her voice and face that scared Buffy the most, because it was this that told her that whatever tied Faith to Wood, it transcended passion, transcended emotion, and had become cold hard fact, real and stable as stone. Where passions were fleeting, passing things, this was without end.

"I gotta jet. Pick up where we left off sometime, yeah?"

"Sure. See you."

And she did see. Clear as day, Buffy saw Robin Wood. And he stood between her and Faith, immoveable. _Goddamn!_

She realised her jaw was clenched, and aching from it.

_I'm getting to hate that man._


	5. Just Empty Words

Chapter 5

"…so I said that it didn't make it right, that one moment of selflessness didn't cancel out murder."

"Well. You're right about that." Robin allowed. He really hadn't expected their customary how-do-you-dos to lead into a debate about whether the imprisonment of the body necessarily led to the redemption of the soul.

"But that doesn't mean Buffy's wrong," he considered. "Look at it like this. Redemption is, partly, about suffering for your crimes, I admit. And prison definitely qualifies as suffering. But redemption's also about giving back: the attempt, even if it is a vain one, to even the karmic balance. Sure, you could apply for community service. But – and this sounds like the point Buffy was trying to make – you could do so much more for humanity if you're out of gaol. You're a Slayer after all, and you'd be depriving humanity of one of its greatest weapons against demons if you just let yourself waste away in prison. You proved that in Sunnydale."

"Oh, c'mon." Faith muttered. "I came here for some honest advice, not a pep talk–"

"Then start listening to what I'm saying," Wood said, and there was a new, angry edge to his voice now. "The question you should be asking yourself is, are you turning yourself in because it's the right thing to do, or because you're taking some kind of twisted revenge on yourself? At the end of the day, if you're truly sorry for what you did, you don't need a prison to cage you – you carry a prison around with you, in you, wherever you go, for the rest of your life. You, your guilt – that is all the prison you need."

–:::–

"Who the fuck are you?" Faith asked curiously. It had been some time since she had met a vampire that she couldn't stake in less than five minutes.

"Leicester," the vampire answered, not dropping his guard. "Leicester Cube."

"British?"

"English." Leicester replied. "You from Boston?"

"How the fuck could you know that, Rubix?"

"How many Slayers are there working with demons?" he asked, looking beyond her at Roxelana waiting in the shadows.

"Alright. What do you want?"

"I was thinking … some kind of stake-immunity?"

"Why would you want that? Looks to me like you've been managing fine so far."

"Yeah. About that. To be honest, I bumped into a Slayer a while ago and she's never let it go–"

"You want me to protect you from a Slayer?" Faith snorted. "Get real. I'm not betraying them for a demon."

"And there I thought working with demons meant you were smart enough to see there could be advantages doing business with us." Leicester smiled. "I wasn't suggesting you just protect me out of the kindness of your heart. I'll pay for your services."

That made Faith pause. She needed the money. She could even monitor the vampire to make sure he didn't feed on innocents. She said instead, "I'm a Slayer. We don't do stake-immunity."

"Well, what the hell is the blonde doing un-staked for then?" Leicester demanded.

"She earned it." Faith said.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"She feeds on animals' blood and criminals. She helps with the demon-killing." Faith paused. "Let's say the money makes up for not helping me put down bad demons."

"You want to control who I drink?" Leicester sounded amused.

"I prefer the word 'limit'. But whatever." Faith replied. "Deal or no deal?"

"Fine." Leicester snapped.

"There's something he isn't telling you." Roxelana spoke for the first time. "Why agree so quickly? Vampires as old as you don't like being told what to do, and won't do it. Unless they feel they have no choice."

Leicester hissed softly. "To think there would come a day when a vampire was a Slayer's bitch." He bared his teeth. "I didn't blow _your_ cover, did I? You may change your hair and your dress, even your diet, but I know your face. _Khurram_. The cheerful one."

"Give me a break." Faith rolled her eyes. Let Leicester try to sow discontent between them. She had already made her peace with Roxelana's vampiric nature, and she didn't care to know Roxelana's past. Didn't know if she dared to. "What's the secret, Rubix? You said a Slayer was after you. Was that a lie?"

Leicester glared. "A Slayer, the Slayer. Is there a difference?"

"Buffy Summers wants you?" Faith asked, "And you think I can keep her away from you? What the fuck did you do?"

"Killed some people. You know how it is." He hesitated. "Are you saying you can't protect me?"

Faith just stared at him for a moment. "I said I'd do it, didn't I?" she said finally.

The vampire smiled, then vanished.

Roxelana came to stand beside Faith, who was still staring at the place where Leicester had been standing.

"He must be freakin' ancient if he can move that fast," Faith said quietly.

"You could have said no." Roxelana ignored her. "You know she's going to follow him here. Probably bring more Slayers with her too."

"I can handle it," Faith said. She fumbled a cigarette out of her pocket and lit up.

"Sure. But you don't have to if you don't want to."

"It'll be fine. Giles will've told her that Gigi– that Genevieve Savidge was just business. It won't be awkward."

–:::–

Her heart was smashing on her ribs, smashing in time with the music. Her nerves were fluttering in the almost-pain of untested hope, her footsteps paradoxically sure and unfaltering.

Buffy reached the bar, drawing up next to Faith. A club anthem raged around them, people screamed to be heard. But it felt like the silent moment of limbo before asking someone to prom.

Somehow the music made her steady, gave her strength. The music was her pulse, and without it she was nothing.

"Drink?" Faith mouthed, quirking up an eyebrow.

"God, yes." Buffy muttered.

God knew she'd tried to talk herself out of this. Out of these inconvenient feelings, inconvenient thoughts.

God knew she'd thought she'd managed it too.

Until she'd seen her again. Been set on fire again. Knocked speechless and without thought again. The strangest thing. _And so inconvenient._

And thus to the club and the alcohol again. So much easier not to explain, so much easier not to talk. So much easier to just do. _Maybe if we could just do it all over again … and I'll take it from there._

Yes. Let them both be half out of their minds again. Half out of her mind, she might be able to tell her then. Half out of her mind, the reply might not matter so much then. Half out of her mind, tears might be passed off as meaningless then.

_A good, solid plan._ Buffy congratulated herself.

The plan went swimmingly until Faith disappeared.

A pleasant routine had been established. Two shots and a mixer each, a song that made them rush to the dance floor, men pressing in on them, a blond man targeting Faith, and back to the bar, two shots each, then the song they requested came on, the blond man there again, and back to the bar, a mixer, five shots (suddenly the extortionate club prices had ceased to dismay), a return to the dance floor, and now the bartender was having trouble understanding what Buffy wanted and Faith had to point, then back into the writhing crowd, men pressing in on them, and Buffy didn't like how close the recurring blond man was dancing to Faith. _That punk._ And was Faith dancing _with_ him?

And then Faith was gone.

The good, solid plan was ruined.

Buffy refused to believe it.

_Faith could be in danger,_ she told herself._ An intoxicated Slayer is a liability, to herself as well as to others._

_I have to find her._

And then she wished she hadn't.

It had taken a couple of minutes, but when she realised Faith hadn't left the club it was only moments before she tracked her to the ladies' toilets.

Buffy crashed through the door.

A rhythmic thud, thud, thud.

A moaning that was all too familiar.

A man grunted.

Buffy registered the one 'occupied' toilet stall. The door shook slightly.

_Oh God._

_Oh God._

_Oh God._

Buffy ran.

_I can't hear this. I can't, I can't._

She caught sight of the condom dispenser as she made her exit. A superhuman fist had pummelled through the outer casing recently.

_At least she's being safe._

But now even her own thoughts revolted her.

The door to the toilets almost flew off its hinges as she hurtled away. Mortified. Sickened.

She ran.

Her heart was smashing, smashing, smashed.

–:::–

A day later, the phone rang. Surprised, Faith dropped the map of the city sewer network that she had been studying and slouched over to pick up the receiver.

"Hey?" she said. No one ever rang the landline, except sometimes Giles or Angel. She tried hard not to let anyone know where she lived, and those who did never bothered with phone calls, just turned up on the doorstep.

"Faith?"

Faith would have known that tired voice anywhere. She heard it in her nightmares, and she had to fight to keep her voice steady when she replied.

"B, is that you?"

"Yeah." For a moment, a tense silence fell between them. But Buffy broke it before it could take root. "How are you?"

Faith almost laughed. There was so much unsaid between them, a how-are-you didn't even begin to scratch the surface. "I'm … good, I think. Just got back from vamp patrol."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. You always used to be home this time of night." Faith could feel Buffy smiling into the phone.

"You mean morning. I can practically see dawn." Faith peeked through the window blinds at the horizon. "So," she tried to broach the subject casually, "any reason you called, or you just felt like a catch-up?"

"I guess a catch-up is in order … what's it been, nearly a year now?" since they had last fought. Faith cringed at the memory, but Buffy glossed over it. "Actually, I'm stopping nearby where you are. On business. But I thought we could meet up while I was in the area."

"Yeah." Faith was momentarily taken aback. "Yeah. That would be real good."

"Good," Buffy sighed. "I thought you might not want to see me."

"_What?_" this was the last thing Faith had expected to hear, and Buffy's diffidence made her bold. "B, are you kidding me? I'm the one who should be freakin' _grovelling_, I just assumed you'd hang up on me if I ever tried to call–"

"I was upset," Buffy said softly. Faith waited, but Buffy didn't elaborate.

"B," she said, because she could tell Buffy was biting back harsher words, "don't just let me off the hook like that. You have every right to be mad at me. Say what you wanna say, get it out."

There was silence, then, "Promise you won't hang up?"

"Sure." Faith heard a rush of air as Buffy let out the tense breath she had been holding, as she let everything out.

"I was so, _so_ mad at you. And Giles. Giles because he didn't tell me – he cut me out – and you because, because you _let_ him." Buffy paused to compose herself. "And you picked that Slayer, Genevieve Savidge, over me. She was going to _murder_ me and you still picked her. You nearly killed me yourself! And there is no excuse for that. None. I don't care if you felt _connected_," she spat the word out, "did she freaking _connect_ you back to your insanity? You betrayed me, Faith."

She stopped talking, done.

"Well. I didn't hang up." Faith said, but her voice was brittle, still digesting the strength of Buffy's hurt and anger.

"I didn't mean to yell at you." Buffy muttered. "I was going to try and avoid this whole topic."

"It's OK," said Faith softly. She wanted to apologise, but she remembered what had happened last time, and anyway she knew she didn't want to be forgiven. "I screw up even when I'm trying real hard not to. I – I know it doesn't help, but I never meant to hurt you, or betray you … and I was kinda hoping Giles would've explained it all 'cause I suck at explaining."

"I spoke to him a couple of days ago," Buffy admitted, "because I knew he'd have your number and know where you were. I don't know if things will ever be the same between him and me." She sighed.

"Giles is just handing out my address to people?" Faith feigned shock.

Buffy shrugged. "Well, I asked nicely. And a couple of times after that, less nicely. He had to cave eventually … why, was it supposed to be secret?" and now the faintest trace of worry had entered Buffy's voice, without her meaning it to, because the question she was really asking was, 'were you hiding from me?'

"Yeah, it was secret." Faith said obliviously. "I went underground, and I didn't want demons or friends or anyone to know where. I wanted to start over."

Buffy almost hung up the phone. But she remembered that Faith hadn't hung up on her, so she forced herself to listen, even though it hurt.

"But I want to see you." And suddenly listening was worth those few seconds' pain. "I miss you." Faith laughed suddenly. "Jeez, would you listen to me? I'm a wreck. I'm so sick of fighting. You'll come clubbing with me, won't you? You better not be all Slay, no play, I'm telling you now."

"Sure," Buffy grinned. "I'm staying with a couple of Slayers in the area, Chazza and Trudy. I'll ring you when I get there, OK?"

"Oh you'll love their house. It's got this real scenic view of the cemetery and everything," Faith smiled. "Not too far from the city centre either."

"You know them?" Buffy was startled.

"We hang from time to time," said Faith, too casually.

"They've never mentioned you. They were supposed to investigate reports of Slayer activity–" Faith almost heard Buffy's face slapping into her palm. "That was you, right?"

"As far as I know it's just the three of us. Soon to be four."

"And they haven't realised you're a Slayer? That you're _you_."

Faith chuckled. "Hey, just because _you_ can't go anywhere without getting recognised anymore don't mean I can't. We can't all be Slayer celebrities, yo."

Buffy snorted. "I don't believe this. How much could you possibly have changed since the Wanted posters went up? Will I even be able to recognise you?"

"Wanted posters? Man am I badass." Faith smiled. "Does this mean you brief all your baby Slayers about me? Am I on the Slayer curriculum?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright, don't go getting your hopes up. You get a brief mention before they get sent out into the field – y'know, in case they get teleported to a British mansion and find you trying to kill them."

"You're never gonna let me forget that, are you?" Faith said.

"What can I say, it's a classic." Buffy drawled.

–:::–

It came out halfway between a scream and a squeak, and it made Faith look at her strangely.

"You OK, B?" Faith tried and failed to keep the grin off her face.

"Just say it again." Buffy squeaked. She didn't even try to contain her delight. She was almost bouncing off the walls. She hadn't thought she would ever feel this incredible again. Not after That Night. It still made her sick to think about it.

"I'm not going back to gaol." Faith said. Buffy threw herself into Faith's arms.

A few minutes later and Buffy's voice was back to its normal pitch.

"So … why?" she was asking. And a little voice inside of her was whispering, _because of you. Because you matter to her, because she cares about you._ And she wanted so badly for it to be true. "What's with the big change of heart all of a sudden?"

"I guess I just thought about what you said." Faith said. "Sometimes you can be smart, y'know."

The squeaking started up again, in Buffy's head this time. _Nooo way, is this, like, her way of saying I matter to her? And was that a compliment?_

"And I talked to Robin about it a little. He always makes a lot of sense, and he was pretty much fully on your side, so…"

_I think I love that man. The shopping trip debt is officially repaid._

"… I guess it's pretty much down to you." Faith was saying. "I'm staying because of you. Now you get to put up with me for a whole nother week." she grinned.

_Hold up. One week? What?_

"What's happening in a week?" Buffy asked.

"I'm going back to work." Faith said, as though it were obvious. "It's been good and all, but the world's still kinda in the shit, and besides that, I'm on the run. I hear Giles is making plans too, and I thought Red, X-man and you were gonna start getting your Slayer army into shape."

"Well, I – sure, but," Buffy wasn't sure what she had been expecting. Yes, there had been a general plan to start work soon. But it had never occurred to her that she and Faith would be going separate ways. The idea of her and Faith being separate no longer made sense. It was painful.

_Painful. God, I'm in deep. It hurts to think about it. I can't just let this happen. Right? I have to say … something. Something. Not everything, not anything colossal or scary, just … something._

"Faith … do you ever think about us?" Buffy asked slowly. It was something.

She wanted to look at Faith's face, to read the reaction there. But she couldn't bring herself to meet those dark eyes.

"Yeah," said Faith softly.

Buffy's eyes snapped up to meet Faith's. She couldn't help it. "Really?" _I'm pathetic._

"I try not to though," Faith smiled. "It's scary."

"What?"

"It scares me," Faith repeated, "It scares me how you feel about me."

_Crap. Crap. Am I that obvious? Oh God. Why are you talking just about my feelings? Is it really not mutual?_

Instead Buffy asked, "Why is it scary?" She was impressed at how together she sounded.

"I'm scared you think I used you." Faith said. "I'm scared you can't stand to be around me because of it."

She sought out Buffy's eyes now, because it was so crucial to her that Buffy understand how true her next words were. "But it wasn't like that. I didn't take advantage of you, I never would. I swear. I was just as drunk as you. I never wanted to hurt you, or for you to feel used."

"I – Faith –" Buffy struggled. "I know. I get it. I'm sorry if it looks like I've been avoiding you – I really haven't been trying to." _Well, just a little. The whole toilet sex scenario was kinda … devastating._

Buffy didn't remember much of That Night. Just her throat all tight and strange as she raced away from the club. And found herself in a cemetery, burning angry-hot, then cold with shame that she could feel anything for someone who took the act of love and made of it something so base and vile. She remembered how the dead had risen all around her, and how stupid, because she had been drunk, so stupid, because she was alone. But then she was plunged into the adrenaline of battle and all her cares fell away, and how she had rejoiced in that cathartic violence! And then she went home, too tired to think, too tired to feel the fire and ice of her anger and her shame.

God, how she didn't want to remember That Night. And God, how stupid it was that even though she did remember, when she was _with her_ she didn't care.

"Good." Faith smiled a little. "Had me worried, y'know."

Buffy snorted. "Not a word I associate with you much." Then, "It's getting kinda late and I said I'd go talk patrol schedules with Giles. I'd better head over there." She got to her feet, " 'Night."

"What, no goodnight kiss?" the look on Faith's face made it clear she was teasing, bursting with mischief.

Buffy answered with a smirk of her own. "What was I thinking, leaving you without a goodnight kiss?"

But instead of moving off, she dipped down and planted a soft kiss on Faith's mouth. And then away, like lightning, curious for Faith's reaction. More than curious.

If she hadn't been so fast, she would have missed the moment of total stillness, the only sign Faith gave of being surprised. Then the smirk, frozen on Faith's face, became genuine again.

" 'Night, B. Didn't know you had that in you," and Buffy knew she was safe. Because Faith was clearly delighted.

_Time to push the advantage. While I'm still on this high._

"Hey, you wanna go out tomorrow night, to a club or something?" Buffy asked.

"Can't, B, sorry." Faith said, "I'm going out with Angel tomorrow night."

"What?" Buffy spluttered.

Faith must have caught the strangled note in her voice, because she looked back at Buffy, an eyebrow raised. "To slay demons," she clarified with a little smile. "You didn't really think–?" she paused, serious now, "B, it would never happen. Me and Angel would never – what I mean is, it's always been you. You're the only one who's ever mattered, B. You can't be replaced. You know that, right?"

Buffy stared at her, her mouth hanging slightly open. Words faltered, faded on her tongue. She couldn't speak. Her mind raced.

_Oh my God. Did she just–? No freaking way. She really feels the same way. Oh my God. How did she just say it? Why didn't I just do that? Just like that. Kinda romantic too, how she said I'm the only one who's ever mattered–_

"To Angel, you'll always be the one. And as for me, I won't – I _couldn't_ – ever try it with him. I know I don't have a good track record, but you gotta trust me on this, B. I'm not that person anymore."

"Huh?" Buffy managed weakly.


	6. And Words And Words And Blonde

Chapter 6

Buffy took a moment to compose herself, then pushed open the door and walked into Starbucks, to the table Faith was sitting at.

Buffy wasn't sure what exactly to expect. The conversation they'd had on the phone had seemed almost too good to be true. The lack of mixed signals and confrontational attitude still had Buffy reeling.

Buffy wasn't sure what exactly to expect from herself either. Until she saw Faith seated, leather-clad as always, at the table. She couldn't help but sigh a little. _It just isn't the same in dreams._ And then her gaze slid back up Faith's body and she noticed the new lines on her face. _Wish I could just smooth those away. God, I'm so far gone. _She sighed again.

So when Faith stood up to greet her, Buffy stepped numbly into her arms, just glad that they were still in truce mode.

"Sorry I'm late," Buffy found herself saying, and couldn't believe she was apologising to Faith. _Just like that, like nothing's changed, like she didn't nearly kill me less than a year ago. Dammit. It must be the close proximity. God, I've missed her._

"It's cool, the city won't go to hell for another hour at least." Faith grinned. "Hey, let me get you a coffee. Cappuccino?"

"Please." Buffy sat down as Faith went to the counter. _It isn't going. It isn't going away. Why isn't this going away? Why does it still feel so right? Why do I still feel anything?_

Faith sat down opposite and handed Buffy a steaming mug. Buffy blinked away her impossible thoughts and tried to focus on the now.

"I never thought you'd come back to Cleveland." She said, taking a sip of coffee. "It isn't really a fresh start for you."

"Hellmouth needs attention," Faith replied, shrugging.

"How's that going?" Trying to hide the obsessive need to know everything about Faith behind a façade of polite interest had never been easy.

But Faith didn't seem to notice. Maybe she was too busy picking the words of her reply.

"I think I might finally be getting somewhere with it," Faith said slowly. "Finally getting a handle on the demons here."

"Giles said you ring him up and talk finance." Buffy said helpfully.

"Yeah," Faith allowed herself a little smile. "I guess it started small, but now … feels like I'm operating some kind of company sometimes. We got so huge so fast."

"Company?"

"Nothing like what you got going on," Faith assured her. "I mean size-wise. We're only sixty-strong or something."

Hearing Faith talk openly, even if it was just about the mundane business of Slaying, made Buffy less nervous about bringing up That Other Thing she wanted to talk about. _Needed_ to talk about.

She waited for a natural pause in the conversation, then breathed deeply, and took the plunge.

"Look, I didn't bring Satsu."

"Huh?" Faith raised an eyebrow. "Hey, food may be the way to my heart, but you didn't need to bring any to get me to talk to you, B. I'll do that for free. What's satsu anyway? Some kind of Chinese dish?"

"_What?_" Something like shock and outrage and hurt that Faith really had no idea exploded out of her, "Satsu isn't food! She's a Japanese Slayer!" Buffy tried to collect herself. "Are you telling me you don't know?"

"Jeez, I'm sorry, B," said Faith, "I'm not good on the difference between Japanese and Chinese names–"

"That's not what I meant. I meant, did you really not know about Satsu?"

"C'mon, B, there's hundreds of Slayers now, I can't keep track of all their names, I don't even work with them–"

"No," said Buffy, steeling herself against what she was going to say, against how Faith would react, "I mean don't you know about Satsu – and me?"

"Oh my God," Faith managed.

Buffy sighed. _Finally. A reaction I was expecting. Something I can deal with._

"Way to go, B! Man, I bet the Japs are freakin' _wild_ in bed, what with the whole repressive society thing going on … And it must be awesome with another Slayer. She'll totally get you on a whole other level. The connection you guys have must be freakin' out of this world! I want all the dirty details, B!"

"Faith, just stop talking for a second." _Breathe in, breathe out._ Buffy hesitated. "I thought–" she knew she owed it to herself to explain everything to Faith. _Why did it have to get so goddamn awkward?_ "I thought you left Giles and went solo because you found out about Satsu and me. I thought that was why you didn't keep in contact."

"Nah, B, me leaving Giles and the team needed to happen, y'know? I just wasn't satisfied–" she frowned suddenly, looking at Buffy, reading her more clearly than Buffy had known she could, "Shit," she said, "this isn't about why I left, is it? It's about why I didn't call. God, I'm sorry, B. I swear if I'd known it mattered to you–"

"It's fine," Buffy muttered.

"No, it ain't." Faith laid a hand on her shoulder. "I swear I'll call you up from now on, once a week, don't matter where the hell I am, I'll do it."

"Thanks, I – I was just worried about you," Buffy said. But a call wasn't enough. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Faith, I – I want to talk about us."

"B," said Faith gently, "It's alright. I was just messing when I said to tell me all the dirty details. I know you don't do and tell. We don't have to talk about Satsu and you."

Buffy almost screamed in frustration, but Faith had already started talking again.

"Look, B, I care about you. You know that, right?" Faith grinned, "And I'm real glad you're happy with this Japanese kid. I always knew you'd find your perfect person."

_I've found my perfect person. It's just not Satsu._ Buffy thought. _How could you not know?_

"C'mon," said Faith, "Let's get out of here, it's nearly sunset and I have the best view from the roof of my flat. And besides, I want you to meet my partner."

Buffy froze. "Partner as in business, right?" she managed to say, when her heart had started beating again.

"That would be one area we're partners in," Faith smirked.

Buffy did her best to ignore her sinking heart and followed Faith.

–:::–

"Meet Roxy," Faith said with a smile.

"A pleasure," said Roxelana cheerfully, extending her hand to Buffy. Buffy just stared.

"She's a vampire, Faith." She realised as she said it how stupid the statement was. Of course Faith knew.

"Yeah," Roxelana agreed, flicking a glance at Faith. "And you're the original Slayer." She withdrew her hand. "How're you finding the city?"

"I only got here this morning," said Buffy uneasily. "I haven't had time to find much. So do you have a soul or something?"

"B," said Faith, a note of warning in her voice, "Drop it."

"Answer the question." Buffy said coldly, angry that Faith was angry.

"Roxy is soulless." Faith said, "Happy? I'm getting a beer. Who wants a drink?" Buffy just glared at her.

Roxelana squeezed Faith's arm gently to get her attention. "Three beers would be nice, I think," she said.

"Alright," said Faith, tearing her eyes away from Buffy. "Play nice."

"So what's Faith told you about me?" asked Roxelana, deciding not to let the silence get too hostile.

Buffy took a deep, calming breath and released it slowly.

"She said you were her partner." Even remembering this was painful.

Roxelana smiled. "That was sweet of her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy demanded.

Roxelana shrugged, "She's the boss, there's no partners about it. Assuming she was talking about business."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You don't love her."

"No. But it's a mutual non-love."

Buffy frowned. "I don't know why she trusts you."

"I'm not sure she does entirely," Roxelana replied, "but she's got me under her thumb for the moment, so trust really isn't an issue."

"Are you saying she has some kind of power of you?"

"Of sorts."

"What the hell kind of power are you talking about?" _And why don't I have it? Why have I never heard of it?_

"It isn't like magic, if that's what you're thinking." Roxelana said. "Non-love is tricky territory, and at the moment, Faith knows her way around it a damn sight better than I do."

"What?"

"We aren't in love. Love is dying so your loved one doesn't have to. Isn't it? We don't have that. We have sex that is so good I tingle just looking at her, and I want her so badly that I can't even entertain the thought of killing her."

"That is so twisted."

"Sorry."

Faith came back in. "Why the apology, Roxy?"

Roxelana accepted the Budweiser and made room for Faith to sit on the couch beside her.

"I was just telling Buffy I can't kill you because I'm a sucker for good sex. She thinks that's kind of psychotic."

"Only kinda?" Faith laughed. "It's also bullshit. You can get good sex from other people, so that ain't what's stopping you."

"What the hell kind of relationship is this?" demanded Buffy, not quite believing that she was hearing this conversation.

"An open one," Faith said.

"She's a demon! What are you wasting your time on her for?"

Faith felt Roxelana's hand on her arm, restraining her anger.

"The Slayer's just jealous. Don't let her get to you."

"Roxy, can you give us a minute?"

"Sure, baby," Roxelana planted a kiss on Faith's cheek, then made her exit.

Faith turned to Buffy.

"What the fuck is going on with you?" Faith asked, voice calm. "Why do you keep starting on Roxy? What is this really about?"

"She's a vampire. Without a soul. You know that's dangerous. I don't want to see you get hurt, Faith." She paused. "I don't want to watch you make my mistakes."

"B. I'm a Slayer. Vampires without souls are my business, I'm good at it. That ain't what's got you so pissed off. What I asked was, what is this really about?"

"God, I don't know!" Buffy said, "I've just wanted to talk to you for so long and then I get here and you already have someone in your life who you tell everything to. You don't need me."

"B, when did I ever need you?" if she hadn't said it so tenderly, Buffy would have been offended. Instead, for an instant, the truth was on the tip of her tongue.

"In LA." Faith was silenced. "I'm sorry. I know what we agreed. I just – I can't stop thinking about us, missing us."

"You're with Satsu, B. Don't say this shit. Don't cheapen what you have with her–"

"I'm not with Satsu, Faith. I broke it off with her, because I know all I was doing was trying to make-believe it was you there with me."

"Damn, B." Faith sighed. "You are one crazy chick. I wish you'd told me all this shit back in LA. I would've tried the you-and-me thing back then. You know I can't now."

"Why not?" she asked desperately. "What's so different now?"

"B, I'm done with ideals. I don't know if I ever went around hoping I'd fall in love, get married and live happily ever after, but I sure as hell don't now. I don't want any of that now." Faith took Buffy's hand in hers, "I'm all business now. I have to be, or I'll never fix this city, I'll just end up dead."

"For someone who's all business you manage to spend a lot of time with Roxy," said Buffy bitterly. "Why not cut her out and spend that time with me?"

"B. Get real." Faith said softly, "What Roxy and me have, it can't even be called a relationship. It's just sex and – and –" Faith searched for the word, "_insanity_. And I know you would never be happy with that."

"Maybe I could be," Buffy whispered.

"I know you, B. It would never just be sex to you. You're the kind of person who needs a relationship, and I can't give you that."

"But you want to?"

"Jeez, B, you just can't leave it alone, can you?" Faith chuckled, "You wouldn't be here if you thought I wasn't interested. Let's be honest for once. I'm attracted to you, you're attracted to me. You know it and I know it. But it would never work."

Just to hear Faith say it took all the breath out of her body. For a few seconds Buffy just gasped to get it back.

"It worked in LA." she managed to say, "and everything that happened in Sunny Dale, and with Genevieve Savidge – it's behind us now, right?"

"I don't think it'll ever be behind us, B," said Faith slowly, "it's a part of us, a part that's made us stronger."

"This was a mistake," said Buffy suddenly, defeated. "God. I'm such a dumbass for bringing this up."

Buffy was up and opening the door before she'd even finished speaking, and Faith was on her feet and rushing after her.

"Whoa, B! Hold up," she called, following Buffy as she made her way up the stairs to the roof.

"B, you're not a dumbass." said Faith when she had caught up to her. Buffy was standing at the edge of the roof, staring out at the sun as it set over the city. "Well, sometimes. But mostly not." She chuckled, but Buffy didn't smile.

"I just care about you. I just want to be a part of your life. I want you to love me instead of Roxy."

"C'mon, B. Don't make me say this twice. We aren't in a relationship, Roxy and me. There's no love."

"No. You have non-love."

"What?" Faith frowned. "What the hell are you talking about? Is that even a word?"

"No! I don't know–" Buffy sighed. "It's what you feel when you have sex with someone you don't love. When you're just having sex because it's good, and so good you don't want to stop seeing them. It isn't love, but it isn't nothing either."

"Yeah. I guess we have that."

"God, Faith, we had that!" Buffy burst out, "but that's just the start. It turns into love, don't you see? The sex is only so good because you're both trying to make it good. Which means you care. Only about the sex to start with, sure, but then about the person you're having it with. You'll end up in love with each other. Maybe you already are."

"You're not thinking straight, B. You know me. Love isn't in my genes."

"Then why don't you just walk away from her? If you still can."

"B, I think you better go now." Faith said, and Buffy knew she'd struck a nerve.

"Sure." She started walking away. Then, abruptly, stopped. "Hey," she said, her voice trembling and her eyes unfocused, like she'd discovered the meaning of life, "Hey. She has blonde hair."

"What the fuck, B?" asked Faith, exasperated. She saw the radiant look on Buffy's face. "Are you shitting me? You seriously think–"

"She's blonde, Faith." Buffy repeated.

"There's only so many hair colours, B! Don't do this."

"I'm blonde. She's blonde." Buffy grinned now. "See you around, Faith."

–:::–

"You know there's always a place for you here in LA–"

"C'mon, big guy. Don't get all weepy on me." Faith joked. "Can't give a girl a bike and expect her to stay put."

"Who's getting weepy?" Angel retorted. "Maybe I got you the motorcycle because I wanted you to go, ever think of that?"

"There I thought you were getting soft in your old age," Faith teased. "First with the presents, then with the sappy speech, it's gonna be hugs next–"

"Hey, there will be no hugs!" Angel said defensively. "And even if there were, they wouldn't be for you. Hug-hater."

Buffy heard Faith's laugh and knew the smirking amusement that must be playing across her face as if she could see her. But none of this mattered.

_Faith hates hugs? I don't even get to hug her? No touching at all?_

The ugly truth.

_I've never seen her hug anyone. She really hates hugs. What the hell do I–_

"Buffy."

And suddenly it was her turn to say goodbye.

"I–" _what to say? What to do?_ "Write me, OK?" Buffy said weakly.

Faith snorted. Buffy sighed. It had always been a faint hope. "If you write me first." Faith said, and it was better than an outright 'no'.

_Say something light, something funny._ "Be careful, OK?" _Crap._ "I can't save your ass when I don't know where you are."

It made Faith smile a little. It was enough.

"I'll see you around, B."

"You better."

It was better than 'goodbye'.

Faith walked past her. _And I just let her. Why am I so … why do I always just … let her. Everything, always on her terms. Because I let them be. I hate this doormat feeling._

Against her will, Buffy turned and watched Faith walk out of the Hyperion. Watched through the clear-glass doors as she lifted the helmet off her motorcycle.

"Faith!"

Buffy almost believed it was her own voice, calling out to her to stay. It wasn't.

It was Robin Wood.

Faith's face wasn't suited to surprise, so it would be a mistake to say her jaw dropped. It just sagged a little.

"Don't tell me you were gonna leave without saying bye to me?"

"Hey, I – they let you out already?" Faith didn't know how to combine indignation and shock. Couldn't maintain them against the overwhelming feeling of delight. "Came to see me off, huh, Woody? Missing me already?"

"Couldn't miss the image of you riding heroically into the unknown, Buzz." Wood grinned. Because her delight was infectious. "Any idea where you're headed?"

"Infinity and beyond," Faith replied. "You have my cell. Any ass-kicking you need help with, I'm there."

Wood nodded. "Guess I'll be seeing you at the next apocalypse then."

He took a step forward – _he's in her personal space!_ Buffy's mind screamed – and hugged Faith.

"You can hug me back," Wood was saying, his voice penetrating Buffy's self-induced shock. "Not that you have to or anything, but three words spring to mind. The first is defensive. The second is isolationist. The third is cra–"

"Blackmail much!" Faith spluttered through her laughter. But it made her curl her arms around his waist.

"See how cuddly I am. In a big, manly bear sorta way."

"Just like a man-sized teddy-bear." Faith agreed. "Now take back your cruel words. You just surprised me is all."

Wood stepped away. "Hey," he said. "If blackmail gets me what I want, you better get used to the cruelty." Then a little of the humour left his eyes. "I was your lover, and I'm your friend. You don't walk away from me without a hug."

Dazed, Buffy didn't so much hear the roar of the engine as Faith started up her motorcycle.

_Teddy-bear: one, doormat: zero. God._

_Why couldn't I – Why couldn't I just hug her?_

–:::–

Faith entered the flat. Roxelana was glad to see she was alone.

"Gone home?" she asked, closing the distance between them.

Faith nodded mutely, and a second later found herself on her back on the couch, Roxelana on top of her, their lips an inch apart.

_Easily as fast as Rubix. Maybe she really is five hundred years old_, Faith thought absentmindedly. _Time to spoil the moment. Damn._

"Roxy, I think we should stop seeing each other," she muttered.

Roxelana stopped, her hand lingering on the hem of Faith's shirt. "So close your eyes," she said.

Faith smiled involuntarily. "I want it to be that simple, Roxy. But I'm not sure it is."

"She really got into your head, didn't she?" Roxy murmured, stroking a strand of hair away from Faith's face. "What we have isn't complicated. Don't let her make you think it is."

"But she makes sense, Roxy," said Faith seriously. "What the fuck exactly do you think we have?"

"Sex." Roxelana paused. "Is this a trick question?"

"If all it is is sex," said Faith slowly, "why do we bother making each other feel good? Why do we bother with foreplay? Why aren't we just _doing_ it, if that's all we want from each other? Does this mean–" she swallowed, feeling very uncomfortable, "does this mean it's more than sex?"

"You're getting carried away," said Roxelana easily, " 'Bothering' and 'caring' don't mean the same thing. Yeah, I bother to make sure you have a good time. Because it makes for good sex, not because I give a damn. And because I get back everything I give you. And that makes for a happy vampire, let me tell you."

Faith let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding and sank back into the couch in relief. "Thank God."

"Don't get all religious on me," Roxelana sighed. Faith grinned, then leaned forward and cupped Roxelana's face in her hands.

"That's really all I mean to you." She couldn't stop smiling. "You are freakin' perfect, y'know that? What the hell did I do to deserve you?"

Roxelana thought Faith was going to kiss her, but she didn't. She pulled her down into a hug instead.


	7. The Little Smile That Knew

Chapter 7, If You

Faith stood leaning against the wall opposite his door, arms crossed.

"Here's the contract, just like I promised you, Rubix." Faith said, stepping into the flat.

"Contract?" Leicester blinked, "I don't remember you saying anything about a contract … are you making up excuses to be around me? Is this how people express their desire to have sex with each other nowadays?"

Faith looked distinctly unimpressed. "I think that's just stalkers. Which I sure as hell ain't." she stabbed Leicester in the chest with some rolled-up sheets of paper she had brought: the contract. "It's to make sure you keep to what we agreed: the not feeding on humans in exchange for my protection."

"What? But I gave you my word. Don't you trust me?"

Faith didn't dignify this with an answer, just unrolled the sheets of paper. She pointed at the dotted line at the bottom of the last page.

"You sign here," she said. And waited. Leicester paused, realising that she planned to stay until a signature had been provided. Faith smiled sweetly back at him.

He started feeling through his pockets obligingly, then looked back at Faith. "… damn, I don't know how to break this to you, but I seem to have misplaced all my pens … guess I'll have to sign another time," he returned her smile.

"Not an issue, fang-boy," Faith replied, "You have to sign in blood. Pens not necessary."

"_Blood?_ Care to go over the finer details of this contract I'm signing?" Leicester asked suspiciously.

"Sure. You keep your diet non-human, or you go to hell." Faith clarified.

"Did you say _hell?_ I'm really not remembering that part of the deal. Are you planning to add some kind of bonus to my side of the bargain as well or is this strictly one-sided?"

"Bonuses are available, if you play your cards right, and if I'm in that sorta mood," Faith grinned, "And yeah, you heard right. I guess it ain't _hell_-hell, as in the inferno kinda hell, though. Just some hell dimension. I hear it ain't much better than the abstract religious version though."

"Why do I have to sign this again? Is a contract really necessary?"

"All our clients do," Faith said breezily. "And why not sign, if you were planning on keeping your word?"

"Alright. Fine. But only because I have nothing to hide." Leicester turned away and walked further into his flat.

"Where're you going?" Faith followed tentatively, the door clicking shut behind her.

"To the kitchen."

"Why? It's not like you eat." Faith asked curiously.

Leicester tutted. "It's where I keep knives. And other cutlery, obviously."

"You're going to use a knife to cut your finger open?" Faith was half-stunned, half-laughing. "What's the point of being a vampire if you don't use your fangs?"

"Please. That's so antisocial." Leicester raised an eyebrow. "I was also leading up to phase two of my grand plan for the night: asking you if you wanted a drink. Which I also keep in the kitchen, incidentally."

"Smooth," Faith chuckled.

"Multi-tasking," Leicester replied.

"What was next in your grand plan? Could it be actually signing the contract?" Faith asked.

"Yeah, that comes somewhere in between getting you drunk and having my wicked way with you."

Faith nearly swallowed her tongue. "For a second there I thought you were being serious," she said when she had recovered.

"For a second there I thought you were on my wavelength," Leicester replied, looking at her over his shoulder, his dark eyes anything but joking. He turned away. "So I have wine, beer, liqueur, spirits. What do you fancy? Absinthe?"

Faith's pulse had been beating a little faster since Leicester's proposition, but she couldn't help laughing now. "_Absinthe?_ Is that even legal? Are you aiming to destroy me?"

"I aim to please." Leicester had opened the fridge, but now he shut it and turned to her. "Here's your contract. Give me a copy of it at some point, would you? I like to keep a record of this kind of thing."

Faith looked down at the contract. Leicester's bloody signature shone a little in the artificial light from the kitchen ceiling as it dried.

Two glasses landed on the kitchen table, next to the contract.

"I'll get drunk with you," Leicester said, "that way neither of us is taking advantage of the other, and neither of us will be able to remember anything."

"Anything?" Faith muttered. Leicester's eyes were captivating.

"Anything could happen." He replied, starting to pour the contents of a little bottle into the waiting glasses.

Faith looked him over, imagining the body beneath the clothes. She thought briefly of Roxelana in their flat. Then her eye caught the contract, signed now, and beside it the green sheen of the alcohol.

_Oh, what the hell. I never tried absinthe before._

–:::–

Closing the door softly, Faith walked into the flat she shared with Roxelana. Her flatmate waved to her from the couch where she lay with a steaming cup of red.

"So Leicester was good, huh?" Roxelana greeted her casually.

Faith paused momentarily, her face a half-grimace, "You can smell him on me?"

"He's all over you." Roxelana replied.

Faith groaned, partly regretting the way Roxelana had found out. "I had a shower and everything. Can I seriously not keep any secrets from you at all?"

"I can pretend not to know if you prefer." Roxelana replied.

Faith shrugged, lighting up a cigarette. "You forget I have no shame. It's cool, Roxy." She allowed herself a little smile. "And he was good."

"Huh."

"Toned body. Not too butch though, y'know? And he has this tattoo of a pig's head on a stick, on his ass."

"Classy." Roxelana sipped her cup of blood.

"Jealous?" Faith raised an eyebrow, her voice playful. But Roxelana had played this game before, and read the danger out of Faith's eyes, and knew that fearful desire to always be free as if it were her own.

"Nah, he isn't my type." she said, without answering the real question, and felt Faith relax invisibly. "Vampire who tattoos his tag on his ass, so not a turn-on for me."

"His tag?"

"You know. We mark our territory, our victims. Just the older, stronger generations; vampires always want to make their names bigger, but only some survive long enough to actually do it."

"Vampires compete with each other? For fame? Man, you guys are way more twisted than I thought."

Roxelana smiled. "What else is there to do when you live forever? Put Leicester and me in a room together, and I promise we'll be trying to kill each other in less than ten minutes. We are too big to fit in the same room."

"What do you mean too big? Your egos?"

"More than that," Roxelana said, "everything about us. We're so similar – in age, in strength, in _self_ – that we can't help but try to dominate each other, to find out who would win. And at the same time – we are immensely attracted to each other." Roxelana raised a hand to silence Faith. "Attracted. That doesn't make me jealous. Attracted." She repeated. "But not in a healthy way. For vampires, it's death. I'm drawn to him like–"

And suddenly Faith knew exactly what like.

"Like life. Like he's the key to life. Like everything makes sense with him, and he understands you better than anyone, because he is more like you than anyone, and at the same time, and because of your sameness, you can't help but compete, can't help but try and find the differences between you, and push your limits – and that means fighting. It's practically impossible not to. It's like needing to be close to and needing to fight the same person. It's impossible."

"I was going to say we're drawn like a moth to a flame. Except that neither of us knows which of us is the moth and which the flame." Roxelana said instead.

"Is it really impossible?" Faith seemed almost not to have heard Roxelana. "Could it really never work?"

"We aren't talking about the same thing anymore, are we?" Roxelana said shrewdly.

Faith back-pedalled instantly. "Forget it, I'm talking shit. I guess last night tired me out more than I thought," she smirked, and Roxelana rolled her eyes.

"And now we're back to Leicester. The boy must have been good."

"It's not every one-night stand you get a massage, Roxy."

"He gave you a massage?"

"Yuh huh. My shoulders feel wicked good."

"He gave you a _shoulder_ massage?" said Roxelana, her voice amused.

"What? What's wrong with that?" Faith demanded.

"Nothing. I just expected … more. Sounds like the bare minimum to me."

"You saying you could do better?" Faith squared up to her. Roxelana couldn't quite keep the smile off her face as she closed the distance between them and stood nose-to-nose with Faith in the same mock-aggressive stance.

"Sounds like a challenge," she said.

"It can sound any way you want if it means you're upping your game,"

"Full body massage coming your way," Roxelana replied.

Faith's eyes lit up. "Full body as in–"

"Full body as in _full body_," Roxelana clarified, the look in her eye making Faith's mouth go dry with longing. Faith realised suddenly that her hands were at her belt, moving of their own accord, clumsy and fumbling, but desperate for the promise in those eyes.

Roxelana stopped her. She grinned.

"Don't you know undressing the client is the masseuse's job?"

–:::–

It was night-time and Roxelana was standing by the crane of a construction site, looking out over Lake Erie and enjoying a moment's quiet reflection, when Buffy's boot smashed into the back of her head.

"Out stalking potential new victims?" Buffy demanded as Roxelana clambered back to her feet.

"Out Slaying." said Roxelana, still reeling from the kick, but facing Buffy now.

"Sure am." Buffy feinted a blow to the stomach.

"It wasn't a question."

"Huh?" _Why isn't she attacking?_

"Faith goes east, I take the west side of the city. You know. Demon patrol." Roxelana explained, keeping her eyes trained on Buffy's movements.

"Is this some kind of joke?" _Has to be._ Buffy swung. Roxelana blocked, caught Buffy's arm and launched her face-first into a newly-constructed brick wall.

"You have a shit sense of humour." Buffy rose and threw herself at Roxelana.

"So you're telling me you kill your own kind. Because you're in a relationship with a Slayer. Believable."

"Who said relationship? What, you think we're exclusive? As if. I'd lose her for sure if I ever said something that stupid."

That gave Buffy pause. She was so surprised she even took a step back.

"Are you kidding? Doesn't it piss you off?" Buffy was incredulous.

Roxelana took advantage of her surprise and punched her.

"No wonder she got bored of you," she laughed. "Don't you know a good thing when you have it? That is so human."

Buffy dodged the next blow and kicked Roxelana into the gutter.

"So you're telling me you're never jealous."

"Hey, like my Slayer said, we have an open relationship. Besides, she always comes back to my bed eventually. It's kind of flattering actually."

"You're disgusting."

"Says the girl who got rejected." Roxelana grinned, picking herself up. "You just don't want to believe I'm that good."

"Shut up!" said Buffy, pinning her against the wall. "I don't have time for your crap."

"Crap, huh? You want me to prove it isn't?" Roxelana chuckled. "Alright. Here's something recent: a couple of nights ago Faith stayed over at Leicester's, a new client. She told me about it. And then I fucked her so damn good she was curled up next to me all night. She's still paying me back. Wanna know how?"

Buffy hated her, had never been so jealous. She'd just wanted to rough the vampire up a bit, beat some respect into her. Now she wanted to kill her, and slowly.

"What's the matter?" Roxelana grinned, "Is this the first time you've lost to a vampire, Slayer?"

"Screw you." Buffy slammed Roxelana's head into the wall.

Dazed, Roxelana couldn't move as Buffy bent and picked a couple of big construction nails out of the gutter.

Then Buffy lifted Roxelana up and drove a nail through her wrist and into the wall behind. Roxelana screamed.

The second nail went through Roxelana's other wrist a moment later.

She jerked and twisted, trying to free herself from the wall. But the nails held, and she only succeeded in tearing the wounds in her wrists wider.

"Just stake me, Slayer," Roxelana said, her voice strangled and hoarse. "Just get it done."

"Too easy," said Buffy. "I'm gonna leave you here. Let the dawn get you."

"She'll hate you. You think this is eliminating the competition or something? She'll fucking hate you." Roxelana said.

"You know what, I think I want you to suffer a little more." Buffy paused, scanned the construction site for what she wanted.

She came back with a human-sized plank of wood, and leaned it against Roxelana so that it covered her body up to her chin.

"Now you get to watch the sun rise before it crisps you." Buffy said grimly. "And about what you said. Why should Faith hate me? She won't know what happened to you. She'll come running to me. For comfort. Think about that while you're burning."

Buffy started walking away, for good this time.

Roxelana laughed hollowly. "You're in crazy deep, Slayer. Note the adjective."

_How the hell did they ever get together?_ Buffy wondered bitterly.

–:::–

It had been almost an entire year ago, the day it all started.

"She _what?_" Roxelana yelped.

"The whole clan, dust." Tommy, the last of her sons, repeated.

"That is some fighting machine." She whispered, almost in awe. "Let's kill it."

"She's still at headquarters. Checking she didn't miss any of us."

"Let's go."

–:::–

"I guess you're the boss, then," Faith deduced, seeing Roxelana as she came out of the building.

"Was," said Roxelana, and was speechless for a moment, because she hadn't expected the Slayer to be beautiful. "You planning on staking him too?" she asked, nodding to Tommy.

"You love him?" Faith asked.

"No." Tommy was keeping very still, but Roxelana knew he was scared, because his eyes were flitting all over the place, looking for some way to escape.

"Then keep him," Faith said, "you deserve each other."

A sadomasochistic Slayer.

Roxelana was smitten.

–:::–

"Fancy seeing you here," Faith looked up in time to see the blonde vampire she'd spared a few hours earlier join her at the bar. "Drowning your sorrows, huh?"

"The only reason I didn't stake you was because I was sick of Slaying. You bug me and that's gonna change real fast. So don't push it." Faith said bluntly.

"And I'm Roxelana." said Roxelana cheerfully. She turned to the bartender, "Two bottles of red wine. Yeah, big ones."

"Look, Roxy. I already have a drink," Faith said.

"Who said it was for you? That was code for two bottles of human blood. This place is black market." Her eyes danced. "Didn't you know that, Slayer?"

"_What?_"

"I'm pretty useful, huh?"

The bartender came back with the bottles. Faith waited till he had set them down before pouncing on him.

Roxelana stopped Faith from strangling him.

"Sorry about my friend." she said, "she's had a bit to drink. Lightweight, y'know. Put the nice man down, baby."

"A vampire telling me what to do. Are you shitting me?" Faith glowered.

"Kinda, yeah," said Roxelana, and grinned, "About the blood. And the black market stuff. Oh yeah, and the second bottle was for you. Guess I was lying about the whole thing."

The bartender gasped as Faith released him. She turned on Roxelana.

"That was so not cool. You know I'm gonna have to stake you now, right?" She already had the stake out.

"How about if I totally save your ass, will you reconsider staking me then?" Roxelana winked suggestively.

"Save my–?" Faith forgot what she was about to say as Roxelana's arm lunged at her – she'd never have time to block, _how stupid to get distracted just by talking to her_ – and went past her.

There was a grunt.

Faith wanted to turn around and see who Roxelana had just knocked out, but Roxelana's face was two inches away from hers and Faith suddenly wanted to stay pressed up against that incredible body much more than she wanted to step away.

_It's been way too long since I got any–_

"Ass," said Roxelana. "I think that's the word you're searching for."

For a second Faith was paralysed, couldn't think. Then she remembered and laughed.

"Yeah. Guess you saved me. What the hell was that anyway?" She didn't mind that Roxelana wasn't moving out of her personal space.

"The bartender's a demon. One of that uber proud race, what's it called now? Ehrenhaft demons? Whatever. The point is, you can't start a fight with them and not end it. It's dishonourable. You hurt his pride, Slayer."

"Faith." Faith corrected, almost without thinking.

"Does this mean I'm not getting staked?"

"You can't pay for my bottle of wine if you're dust, Roxy." Faith smiled briefly, "You might wanna take back that lightweight comment, by the way."

–:::–

"Whatcha doing, baby?" Roxelana asked as Faith slumped down in the alley behind the club.

"Going to sleep. It's late and I'm tired."

Roxelana waited, but no further explanation seemed to be forthcoming. "Call me crazy, but don't people usually sleep in beds, in hotels or houses?"

"I don't have a place. I'm kinda broke."

"You bought me a couple drinks back in there. You spent everything boozing?"

"Nah. Just had some change. Not enough for a room, so … y'know."

"Want to stay at mine?"

"So you can kill me in my sleep?"

"Killing wasn't the activity I had in mind." Roxelana grinned. "Besides, I've already fed tonight."

"I'm a Slayer. Why don't you kill me just for the sake of it?"

"I can think of better things to do with you."

"Alright, enough with the innuendo. You're obviously just going to torture me."

"Damn, am I that transparent?" Roxelana asked, and laughed at Faith's face, "I'm kidding. I would have killed you by now, tortured you by now, if that was what I wanted. Look at you, baby, you're so drunk you couldn't defend yourself against me if you tried."

Faith didn't say anything.

"Alright, whatever. I'm going, OK?" Roxelana stepped away. "But just in case you change your mind, my flat's on the fifth floor."

"Fifth floor of where?" Faith asked.

"The club we were just in," said Roxelana, as if it were obvious. "Not that it matters. Unless you just changed your mind?"

"Help me up." Faith said.

–:::–

Faith woke curled up against the sleeping vampire.

_Um. _

For a long time she couldn't think. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe she just wasn't an early morning person. _Maybe last night was just too fucking awesome. Roxy shagged my fucking brains out._

Roxelana stirred, blinked sleepily, then leaned over and kissed Faith's cheek.

_Is this what couples do the morning after?_

It made Faith remember the way Roxelana had straddled her, distracting her with kisses while her fingers worked over her breasts, working her up for another round. Faith had been sitting propped up against the headboard of the bed, still half-delirious from her first climax, but Roxelana had burned away all that delicious satisfaction with fresh desire. _And then I put one hand around her neck and the other_–

"Sleep well?" Roxelana asked with a smile.

"Is that a euphemism? You know exactly how I slept."

"I like to hear it."

"It was pretty damn good." Faith said, and liked how Roxelana kissed her after she said it.

"Mm. Wasn't bad."

Faith choked. _Not bad? Is that it?_

"What do you mean?"

"I was a little drunk, a little tired. Not at my best."

_It gets better than last night? I guess I was drunk too. I was tired too. Did that make it less awesome than it could have been? Is she for real?_

"Anyway, what do you want for breakfast?"

_Breakfast? She's making me breakfast? Wicked._

Roxelana got out of bed. Faith just watched her putting on her clothes for a few minutes, then jumped out of bed and did the same.

_Hey, I'm still alive, _Faith realised suddenly. _She didn't eat me._

–:::–

"I gotta go," Faith was saying as she finished the waffles Roxelana had cooked her. "Slay bad demons, y'know."

"Starting with me?" Roxelana asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No." Faith back-pedalled. "That's not what I meant. I mean – you made me breakfast."

It sounded stupid after she said it, and Roxelana laughed, but it was true. She couldn't kill someone who had made her breakfast. That was just wrong.

"Alright – so you're going to use me for food and sex and meanwhile go killing my friends?" if Roxelana hadn't been smiling as she said it, Faith would have been upset that she thought of her that way.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to use you, Roxy. I – it won't happen again." _Damn, am I for real?_

"What do you mean 'it'?" Roxelana asked. "I'm kidding. I know you're a Slayer. It's your job to slay demons, I get that. But you can still crash here as long as you want."

"I can't," Faith said, unhappy, because sex with Roxelana had been _awesome_, "It's unethical."

Roxelana snorted. "Unethical?"

"Yeah. Sleeping with the enemy. Total war crime." Roxelana couldn't stop herself laughing, but Faith was serious. "I mean, I can't have anything to do with someone who drinks human blood. I'm protecting humans from that, I can't condone it."

"Alright. How about if I give you money so you can fill up the fridge with pigs' blood? And I don't eat anything but?"

"Roxy, that's crazy. You're a vampire, you couldn't – are you serious?"

"Deadly."

"Why?" Faith wanted so badly to believe it. _But how can I?_

"Because I want to have sex with you again."

"You trying to buy me? I'm not a freakin' prostitute, you know that?"

"Are you trying to make this difficult?"

"Hey, you're the one who said last night 'wasn't bad'. That's a quote by the way."

"It wasn't," said Roxelana, nonplussed. "And what? I was bad. You were good. So it could have been better."

"_So_ … I was good." said Faith with a satisfied little smile.

"Is that all you wanted to hear?"

"Maybe." Faith paused. "Also, you haven't answered the question. Since when did sex come before human blood for vampires?"

"Hey, after you've lived for five hundred years you know what it is that makes you tick, what makes the world a little less boring. Blood is necessary, not exciting. Hence the sex."

"Y'know, I think we're gonna get along, Roxy," said Faith.

It felt good to smile again.


	8. Don't

Chapter 8

Faith got a call from Leicester Cube early the next morning.

"Hey Slayer," he said, his voice soft, as if he knew he'd just woken her.

"What up, Rubix?" Faith muttered.

"The sun, almost. And your vampire's staked out at the docks to see it. One of my people saw her as he was running for cover. Thought you might want to know."

"What? Roxy? Running for cover?"

"Cover from the sun. It's dawn."

"Did you say Roxy's been dusted?" asked Faith suddenly, jumping out of bed, her heart constricting almost painfully. "How could you tell the dust pile was Roxy and not some other vampire?"

"She isn't dust. Not yet. She's been staked, but not through the heart, and not with wood. Just held in place so the sun can kill her."

"_What?_"

"I'm not repeating myself, Slayer. I'd give her five minutes."

"But it's already dawn!"

"But only her head is exposed. Start running, Slayer."

Faith was already racing down the stairs to the ground floor, wishing she knew where exactly on the docks Roxelana had been trapped.

Moments later she was in the van, roaring down the street.

_Please be in time, please be in time–_

She saw the smoke before she got there. Roxelana's hair was on fire.

Faith was out of the van and at her side in a flash, ripping her own shirt off and flinging it over Roxelana's head, patting out the flames.

She could smell the burnt hair and the charred flesh and had to force herself not to panic.

"Faith?" Roxelana rasped.

"It's alright, Roxy. I'm getting you out of this. It's gonna be fine." Faith tried to sound soothing but she knew how bad the damage was and she was afraid she didn't sound convincing at all.

Faith tore away the plank of wood and wrenched the nails out of Roxelana's wrists, ignoring Roxelana's soft moans of pain and catching her as she slumped to the ground.

Roxelana's hands and neck started blistering in the sunlight even as Faith picked her up and ran for the back of the van.

Then she was setting her down in the shadowy interior of the van, assessing the extent of Roxelana's injuries. The full length of her hair would have to be cut off, there was no saving it. Her pretty face was red; a lot of the skin had burned away or was peeling off. Faith winced.

"It'll be OK," she said instead, cradling Roxelana against her, stroking her ruined hair out of her face, kissing her burnt forehead gently, trying not to hurt her any worse than she already was.

She heard Roxelana sigh softly, almost inaudibly, and felt her relax in her arms. Her eyes were closed, as though she didn't want to see what had happened to her. Or maybe because her burned eyelids hurt too much to open.

"Roxy, what happened?" Faith couldn't stop herself asking. Maybe she just wanted to hear Roxelana speak, maybe that would make everything seem less broken.

"She Jesus-afied me." Roxelana whispered. "Didn't think she had it in her."

"Who?"

Roxelana snorted. "You know who."

She cracked open an eye to look at Faith's blank face. Then Faith met her gaze and shook her head.

"She would never." She bit her lip. "We have to talk."

"We are talking."

"Not us. I mean, this can't happen again. I have to ring her. B. Buffy."

–:::–

Later that night, Faith dialled Buffy's number. Roxelana was sitting across from her, on the other couch. Her hair was short, almost spiky, now and her face was starting to heal: there was skin again, marred only by scars.

"Hey?" Buffy answered. With her vampire hearing, Roxelana could hear her from where she sat.

"Hey, B." Faith said. Her voice was a little strained. Maybe Buffy could tell, because this time her voice sounded concerned:

"Faith, are you OK?"

"Me? Five by five, B. Roxy, not so much. I'm taking care of her right now." Faith let the metaphorical penny drop.

"Fuck," said Buffy, and Roxy chuckled. "She really survived?"

"God, B, it was really you?" Buffy cursed. Roxelana laughed out loud. Faith almost heard Buffy freeze on the other end of the line.

"She's with you right now? You're letting her listen?" she asked, hurt.

"Why not, B? You just tried to kill her." Faith said tiredly.

"I was provoked." Buffy retorted.

"Whatever, B. The reason doesn't matter any more, it's done now. I just – God, I wish you'd both just get along. Just _try_."

That little hesitation in her voice, and Roxelana was at her side, taking her free hand.

"Don't let her upset you, baby." She murmured, "Let me talk to her now. C'mon."

Faith just wanted Roxelana to hold her, just wanted to talk to Roxelana and forget how easily Buffy got to her. But she gave Roxelana the phone, because she knew Buffy was listening, and because Roxelana would be talking, and she'd be able to just lie next to her and listen to that voice.

"Heya, Slayer," Roxelana said. Faith snuggled into her side, kissed her neck softly. She felt Roxelana's free hand stroking her hair.

"Vampire."

"Sorry for pissing you off last night. I didn't think it would be so easy."

There was silence as Buffy tried to think of something to say.

"This is the part where you apologise for trying to kill me," Roxelana said helpfully. She could hear Buffy gritting her teeth.

"Screw you." Buffy said, her voice low and deadly.

"Hmm, yeah, I _could_ do that." said Roxelana cheerfully, "But, y'know, I'd rather let our favourite Slayer do the honours. You, on the other hand, have a hell of a lonely night ahead of you. Try not to think of me too much. I don't want you to get any screwy urges. What with all the stakes you got lying around–"

Buffy hung up. Roxelana giggled.

"That was a stupid thing to say," Faith muttered, pulling away from her. But Roxelana rolled with her, so that she was lying on top of Faith.

"I know, baby. But she just tried to kill me, so why shouldn't I have some fun with her? It's not like it hurts her," she pouted.

With Roxelana's scarred face directly in front of her, Faith couldn't disagree. And it was so easy to forget that Buffy was upset when she was with Roxelana. It was so hard not to be happy. Because Roxelana was so uncomplicated, and Buffy was so difficult.

Faith kissed those pouting lips and tried to forget.

–:::–

"Bite me."

"With pleasure. Not." Roxelana let Faith pull away so that Faith was straddling her stomach. "What?" she asked softly, playfully. "Come back down here."

"I'm being serious." Faith said. "Bite me."

"You're being ridiculous. I will not bite you. Can we please go back to foreplay?"

"I can make the cut for you–"

"Stop." Roxelana sighed and sat up so that Faith slid into her lap. "Faith. You don't have to do this. I haven't had human blood in months, do you want to get me high? Worse–"

"I want to rock your goddamn world."

"Baby, you do that already." Faith didn't reply. Roxelana leaned in and kissed her gently. Deeper.

Faith bit her bottom lip, hard.

And suddenly the grip on Faith's hair became something more than passionate. The kiss became less of a kiss as Roxelana's mouth fastened involuntarily, helplessly, around Faith's bottom lip.

Faith gave it a few seconds, then pulled Roxelana gently away. Roxelana shuddered, gasping like she'd forgotten she didn't breathe, like the first night she'd woken up dead. Her eyes were staring, burning through Faith, to the pulsing blood beneath.

"Oh … _fuck_ …"

Faith's fingers tangled in her hair, grounding her, keeping the want at bay, if only just barely.

"Lie down," Faith commanded softly, and Roxelana found herself sinking back on the mattress.

She saw Faith bite through the skin of her thumb, and suddenly the red was too close.

"Faith – I don't want you to see my other face–"

"I trust you."

"Don't! _I_ don't. What if I–"

"Then trust that I am strong enough to deal with it." Faith raised an eyebrow, cocky. "I can take you."

And there was something reassuring about that arrogance. Something that made the helplessness bearable.

Faith leaned down and kissed her lightly, tenderly. Roxelana closed her eyes, felt Faith's thumb dripping blood on her lips. Her tongue snaked out against her will, and then the thumb was between her teeth. The blood thrummed through her, all her body was buzzing and the world throbbed darkly, brightly. She felt too alive. Too dead.

She knew the sensation, called it falling. Falling into an undead insecurity that refused to be satisfied with the bloody trickle and begged her to take, to kill.

But there was Faith. Holding her to the mattress, holding her to the memory of her humanity, holding her so she wouldn't fall.

Faith, smiling a little as Roxelana's tongue curled around her thumb. Lowering herself, teasing Roxelana's skin with her lips. As if she knew Roxelana's every sense was screaming with heightened awareness.

Faith, moving down her body. Her mouth leaving hot wet circles. Roxelana felt every movement, every kiss more deeply.

Touch had never felt more exquisite.

–:::–

The morning after her first night with Roxelana, Faith nearly died.

Roxelana was lounging in the curtained sitting room, flicking through a magazine, when Faith got back.

"You're smoking." Roxelana noted. "Tough day?"

Wisps of smoke floated off Faith's hair and shredded clothes. Through the rents in her jacket, Roxelana could see third-degree burns.

"Wish I was. Smoking, that is. God, I'm craving a smoke. Hell of a headache." Faith muttered. "Light me up? I tried, but my hands keep shaking. My whole nervous system's shot."

Roxelana could tell Faith was in a bad mood, because she hadn't made the expected comment about being 'smokin' hot'.

"What happened?" Roxelana asked, getting to her feet and reaching for the lighter in Faith's jean pocket.

"Lightning. The witchy kind." Faith said bitterly. "Seven times. Then I called it a day."

"Why're you back so late?" She glanced at the clock: it was mid-afternoon. "Lightning strikes pretty fast, doesn't it?" Roxelana handed Faith a lit cigarette.

"I was unconscious, I don't know how long. And then even after I woke up I was still paralysed. Damn." Faith took a deep drag to steady herself. "I'm a goddamn joke. I couldn't even get past the gates."

"Were you trying to break into somewhere?" Roxelana started helping Faith out of her jacket. She wanted to take a look at those burns.

"Yeah. Emphasis on the trying." Faith scowled. "Demon with an unhealthy addiction to virgins lives there. Kind of a big-shot in the demon world apparently. Anyway, I was gonna take him out, but I didn't bet on the magics around the house being able to keep a Slayer out."

"Oh right, yeah, I know that guy. Marlon, right?"

"You–" Faith reined in her anger. "Sure you do. I guess you know all the demons in the neighbourhood, huh."

Roxelana regarded her in silence, considering whether to reply to this, and decided against. "Get out of your clothes, baby." She said, leaving the room. Moments later she was back, brandishing a damp cloth and antiseptic spray. Faith hadn't moved.

"Baby. I know I'm the enemy, etcetera, but would you please just take off your clothes? There's nothing I didn't see last night, and besides, your clothes are ruined. You can put some of mine on. I just want to clean away the dead skin tissue and make sure you don't get an infection. Maybe your Slayer healing can replace all the skin that got burnt off and take care of the scarring, but I'm guessing the more damage you prevent the better. OK?"

Faith started to undress. Roxelana knew she'd won a small victory, but she kept the knowledge of it from her face. Pushing her luck here would be fatal. So she returned to the subject at hand, and tried to keep her thoughts on the rapidly undressing body beside her purely medical.

"Like you said, Marlon's a big-shot; he has all kind of warlocks and bodyguards on his payroll. It's suicide to go after him. Why him in particular?"

"I have to start somewhere," Faith replied, as Roxelana started work on her back. "And anyway it wasn't exactly on my agenda, I was just gonna check out all the cemeteries. Do my rounds, y'know. Then I saw this old guy having a private burial. It was his son, all in pieces. The boy went to get his sister back from that Marlon guy, and Marlon sent him back to his dad in a Krispy Kreme doughnut box. What was I supposed to do."

Faith smoked in furious silence for a moment. Then, "This is pathetic. How'm I supposed to go around saving people if I can't even take out one demon. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm out of my depth."

"Then get help." Roxelana suggested, dropping charred pieces of dead skin into a small bin at her side.

"Get help? I don't know anyone who can put lightning-firing gates out of commission. Well, Red could, I guess, but I can't ask her. Ouch!"

"It's the antiseptic." Roxelana said, and then, "I know a guy. Who could help out, I mean." she offered. "Couple of blocks from here, regular at the club downstairs. Dark warlocks are good at the whole black magic deal."

"I'm not asking favours from a dark warlock. I fight the dark, I don't work with it." Faith grimaced as Roxelana dabbed at the wound on her shoulder.

"You're being naïve, baby." Roxelana admonished her gently. "You just said it yourself, you can't do it alone. Besides, working with demons isn't the same as being all buddy-buddy with them."

"I could never work with demons knowing that all they'd be doing in their free time would be killing innocent people."

Roxelana smiled. "I have one word for you: racketeering."

"What does that mean?"

"It means extortion. It means making an offer they can't refuse – their health and safety in exchange for the removal of humans from their diet or whatever activities they engage in that involve humans."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"Think of it as a contract. Besides, does the law apply to demons? If it did they'd all be in gaol. That's what Slayers are for, right? You _are_ the law when it comes to demons."

"I guess." Faith didn't like how Roxelana was making so much sense. "But that's only half the problem. Maybe I can work it so they're freaked enough they stop beating on humans, but then get them to work for me as well? No. Demons won't just work for free, I'd need to pay them. And I'm broke. No way I can find a job that pays enough either."

Roxelana shrugged. "I can cover that. You'd be surprised at how well five hundred years of careful saving and investment pay off."

"Get out. I don't want your charity. That's the reason I left Giles – my old … work associate. I'm not much for being dependent."

"Yeah, I'm beginning to see you have issues." Roxelana sighed. "Still, not a problem. I can get you a job at the club downstairs."

Faith looked at her sceptically. "Just get me a job? Just like that? Yeah right. I started a fight with one of their bartenders, they'll never hire me. Anyway, it was a bar, not a club. There wasn't any music all last night."

"It's a club. A demon club, as I'm sure you noticed. The staff is all-demon too. Remember how you went overboard with the vampire staking? AKA the massacre of my family? Yeah. Well, the DJ was one of mine. Hence the lack of music. I couldn't get a replacement at such short notice – you could have timed it better you know, instead of staking him a half-hour before the club opened."

"What do you mean _you_ couldn't get a replacement at such short notice?"

"I mean I'm the manager." Roxelana said. "Don't tell me you didn't realise that before now?"

"Don't screw with me. You are not the manager." Faith replied. "No way are you the manager."

"Baby, I knocked the bartender out cold. Clubs throw people out for starting fights – we didn't get thrown out. They even kept serving us." She paused. "Did you ever see me pay for any of the drinks I got us? That's because I wasn't paying. Do I need to get the paperwork out?"

"You own a club. Shit." Faith was dazed.

"And I'm offering you a job."

Faith collected herself. "And I repeat, I don't want your charity. I don't want you to make up jobs for me to do just so you can give me money."

"Do you not listen to me, baby?" Roxelana asked, exasperated. "It's almost wholly a family business. Or it was, before you massacred my family. I'm massively short on staff. You remember me mentioning the lack of DJ? There is also a lack of bouncers and bar staff. Take your pick, the job's yours." Roxelana saw Faith hesitate. "C'mon. If I don't get the staff, the business is going to suffer. Which would be directly your fault, by the way. You owe me. I'm in deep shit."

"I'm–" the apology was halfway out of her mouth when Faith caught herself. "I'm not sorry." She said. "I don't regret killing your family. And I won't regret it if I end up having to kill some of your customers. I don't know if you can live with that."

Roxelana looked amused. "I haven't been _living_ for five hundred years, baby. And if I had a problem with you and what you do, one of us would already be dead by now."

Faith started on her second cigarette.

"Can I be a bartender?" she said finally. And then suddenly, half-panicking, "does this mean I have to move out of your flat? You being my boss and all."

"Baby, you even try it and you're fired." Roxelana replied. "We set foot in the club, then I'm boss. We go demon-hunting, you're in charge. In between – we're free agents."

"You wanna go demon-hunting?" Faith asked curiously. "That includes vampires you know."

"What I want is to make sure you don't get struck by a lightning marathon again," Roxelana replied. "The flat smells like someone lit a bonfire in it."

–:::–

"Heya?" Roxelana picked up the phone.

"Can I please talk to Faith."

"Oh, hey Buffy. Sure. She's still asleep though. You're ringing kinda early, huh. Vitally important Slayer stuff, I guess?"

"Are you feeling OK?" Buffy asked cautiously.

"Sure, I'm great. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. You? Got any plans for today? Looks to be real sunny."

"Why are you being not-mean to me?"

"Huh?" Roxelana smiled, invisible to Buffy. "Guess I'm still all blissed out."

"Define 'blissed out', please. Is this your way of saying you're high?"

"C'mon, Buffy. Do I look like a junkie?"

"Blood junkie maybe."

"Do you ever lighten up? I'm trying to spare you the sordid deets."

"So you did go on a blood spree."

"Hey, I just had a very good night-in. Courtesy of Faith."

"I don't want to know."

"You were the one Inquisition-ing me … not like I told you any of the good parts, anyway." The smile had become a full-fledged grin.

"Can we talk about something else please? Is Faith really still asleep?"

"It's 7am on a Saturday, who isn't asleep at this time?" Roxelana replied. "Why don't you tell me what's so urgent you had to ring so early?"

"Well, I was on patrol last night–"

"Yeah, that is breaking news. Thanks for letting us know. Good call."

"Could we please put your oh-so-hilarious comments on hold until I finish?" Buffy snapped. "I found a mausoleum full of corpses."

"Shocker."

"Alright, I deserved that one." Buffy admitted, "But anyway, the corpses were fresh. And not in coffins. They all had fang marks too. It looks like a vampire's just been dumping them there. The weird thing was they all had this symbol cut into their chests, it looked kinda like – this is gonna sound so bizarre – but it looked like a pig's head on a stick."

"No." Roxelana suddenly found herself in danger of leaving bliss-land.

"What do you mean 'no'? You can't just straight out 'no' me for no reason–"

"I mean that's impossible. That symbol you described is a vampire tag, OK? And said vampire signed a contract in his own blood, saying that he wouldn't feed off humans – how recent were the kills?"

"You know who the killer is? And what is this contract stuff? You don't make _deals_ with vampires–"

"Answer the question, Slayer."

"The most recent body died approximately forty-eight hours ago."

"Shit. Then he's screwed us over. I don't know how the hell – Faith _saw_ him sign it – he should be in hell–"

"Well, obviously something went wrong. Now give me the 411 on this vampire, I'm taking him out. Right now."

A minute later Buffy hung up. As if on cue, Faith emerged from their bedroom, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Morning." Faith yawned, "Just me or were you talking to yourself?"

"Buffy rang," Roxelana admitted, and broke the news to Faith. Watching Faith's face, always carefully blank and dispassionate when it came to business. Watching as that composure broke. Watching, and feeling helpless.

"Fuck." Faith said finally. She turned away so Roxelana couldn't watch anymore. "She's going after him? Hell if I let her. I'm ringing her back, give me the phone. It's up to me to take care of this, damn. The bastard's mine." Faith hurled the phone violently away. "She ain't picking up. Fuck!"

"Chill, baby, she's out hunting him as we speak. It'll be fine." Roxelana soothed. "Have breakfast, shower. Just let her do her thing."

"This ain't her thing, Roxy, it's mine! This is my problem, my screw-up, mine to fix–"

"Baby–"

"Don't interrupt me!" the roaring in her ears was getting worse and suddenly the room was too small. Her thoughts weren't making sense, she couldn't even hear them over the overpowering necessity to hurt, to kill; over the feeling that she had to hurt something to make her own pain go away – and then she felt her fists being prised open, hands holding her hands, fingers between her fingers. If it had been anyone else she would have wrenched away, if it had been Buffy she would have pulverised her. _Roxy._ Faith felt the anger leak away a little. Enough so that Roxelana stopped looking like the enemy.

And then, with an inaudible _pop_, the room grew back to its usual size and Faith could breathe again, and her head was quiet, and all she could hear was her heart trying to break out of her chest. "I'm sorry. Jeez, I'm so screwed up. Psycho, just like that. Damn."

"She really makes you crazy, huh." Roxelana chuckled.

"It's just – man, I don't even know. It's like nothing's changed, yo. I always screw up, and she always ends up in the shit because of it."

"I don't think she sees it like that."

–:::–

"Pigs' blood," Roxelana muttered, holding the contract Leicester had signed. "I should've checked it when you brought it back."

"Pigs' blood." Faith repeated. "How – shit. We were in the kitchen when he signed it. He was getting drinks. Shit. I'm so–"

"_We_'re so." Roxelana corrected her. "It's OK. He's probably already dead. The Slayer'll be ringing us any second n–"

The telephone rang.

For a second Faith just stared at Roxelana in disbelieving silence. Then she dived for the phone. Roxelana mimed getting a drink and left discreetly.

"Sup, B."

"Faith? Hey." Buffy's voice sounded tense.

"How did it go?" Faith was suddenly dreading the answer.

"Not so great." Buffy muttered. "This is more than a one Slayer job. I didn't get a good look, but it seemed like about a hundred or so demons altogether. I – I ran away, Faith."

"Talk to me, B." Because talking herself would have been impossible just then. _Since when do you run from anything, B?_

"It's Leicester. Turns out he's going for small-scale domination. Just Cleveland, for now anyway, but people will suffer."

"What?" Faith almost couldn't believe her ears. "He's ambitious, sure, but I never thought power-hungry–"

"Believe it," Buffy's voice cut her off, feeding Faith's anger for Leicester. "I found more bodies. With his mark. He's started–"

Buffy's voice died in her ear. "B? B, what's happening?" Faith took the phone from her ear, ready to run to Buffy's flat to check she hadn't just been attacked.

Then she saw her phone, crushed to a pulp in the place she had been holding it.

"Shit!"

Faith flung the phone down. _So damn mad. Why is it always this way? Arh, don't let the inner crazy take over …_ She rushed out of her flat, on to the street and into the nearest pay-phone booth.

"B?"

"Faith, are you OK? What just happened?" Buffy gushed, full of alarm.

"Um. Yeah. I kinda broke my phone. It was getting old … y'know how it is." Faith shuffled from foot to foot in embarrassment. "Anyway, you were saying?"

She could almost hear Buffy scrambling to remember her thoughts, what she had been about to say.

"Leicester's in the process of, or has already completed, some ritual. That probably means we've got something big and demon-y to deal with."

Faith paused. "What do you mean 'we'?"

Now it was Buffy's turn to pause. "I mean there are hundreds of Slayers now, nearly five hundred of which work with me. So we – that's you, Chazza, Trudy and me – wait for back-up. Then we go in. I'm thinking dawn is a good time: vamps will be settling down for the day and reinforcements will have arrived by then–"

"Don't do this, B." Faith interrupted her softly.

"Don't do what? Help us win?"

"Stop taking charge, making this your battle."

"What are you talking about? This – fighting demons – is always my battle. And I can't help it if I have incredible leadership skills," she joked, but Faith wasn't laughing.

"B." she said seriously, "The rest of the world is yours. But this city is mine. You are not in charge."

She heard Buffy sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly before speaking: forcing herself not to start giving orders and treating Faith as though she were her soldier. Buffy couldn't afford to lose her temper and push Faith away at a time like this. So she gave in. Grudgingly. "I know that, Faith. You're the boss here. Sure." She hesitated, because it wasn't in her to give in to anyone. "I'm just saying – you don't have to do this alone. We have help now. Let me help you."

"B, I'm not alone."

And with that Buffy lost her composure. "Faith, this is not the time to trust vampires and demons!" All Buffy could see was Roxelana's face swimming on the backs of her eyes. _Don't even get me started on the fact that you hid Leicester Cube from me, don't get me started on how stupid this working-with-demons concept is. Don't get me started on that goddamn vampire you __**trust**__!_

But Faith was unshakeable. "I've been trusting them with my life ever since I got here, B. And I'm still here." Faith said calmly.

"I don't want to see you get stabbed in the back!"

"I made my choice when I started working with demons. You just need to have faith in me." Faith said simply, and then hammered the point bluntly home: "I don't want you or your Slayers anywhere near, OK?"

"Of course it isn't OK." Buffy gritted her teeth. "Why won't you let me help you? If this has anything to do with what happened before with Roxy then you know I'm sorr–"

"It has nothing to do with that." Faith didn't want apologies. "Listen, this is not a priority for you: the world is your priority. Small-scale shit, that's me. I can take care of it." Faith considered briefly not finishing what she wanted to say, but decided it had to be said. "I don't want your help, because I don't need it, B. This ain't an apocalypse."

Buffy tried not to be hurt, but it was hard. She wanted Faith to need her. But she had to let her go her own way. "OK. Just–" she sighed, "take a cell or something with you, alright? And call me." She rushed on to stop Faith from interrupting her. "Even if you don't need help, just call me when it's done, OK?"

Faith's laugh rumbled softly down the phone, letting Buffy know that everything was still alright between them. "OK," she said.

She didn't have to ask where the trouble was. There could be only one place.


	9. If You, Then I

Chapter 9

Seven phone calls. She wanted the dark warlocks and their gytrash, the shades and the blue-eyed borogoves. She turned to Roxelana as she dialled; she would have the two vampire clans that Roxelana had made one and her own after Damien's death as well. The receptionist picked up – she started yelling until she got put through. Bring her also the muddly Bohemian and the rigamort, the understudies and the bodyguards. She hung up and found herself regretting the decision to slay the eye-eating keratitans.

_They should've agreed to the terms and conditions, goddamn._

The shortest hour of her life followed. Hardly time to hone the sword, the daggers, the stakes she would be taking. But she must have been counting wrong, because somehow it was seven o'clock, time to go, and she realised all of a sudden that for the last ten minutes she'd just been filing her nails. Waiting.

She lurched into motion. Out the door, down the stairs, into the evening cool.

Roxelana was at her side in a moment, the lightest touch on her arm. "Sixty-four," she said.

A glance around, and yes, unearthly blue eyes glinted back. Street lights flashed on metal. She caught the reek of the rigamort, rotted but undying; heard a soft, chilling whine from where the warlocks stood; felt a coldness in her lungs that spoke of death.

_They're all here_, she knew. _Or as many as I'll ever get at that short notice._

She recalled Buffy's words._ A hundred or so demons altogether_, according to Buffy._ Good odds_, according to Faith_. _She could feel the ghost of a smile lifting the corners of her mouth.

_Alright._

Onward, downward. Down to the hellmouth. A manhole that didn't lead to sewers. A corridor too narrow for her liking, and too dark. And always downward.

When the tunnel opened at last, they stepped out on to a ledge she knew too well.

Even from here, it was easy to see that the hellmouth had been lit up with torches, and it was far from silent. She didn't like the rumbling sound, so like distant thunder, or the unmistakeable crunching of footfalls.

She motioned the demons behind her to stop, and slid forward on her stomach. A slithering sound on her left let her know that Roxelana was only a few feet away, creeping forward with her.

They peered over the edge, into the cavernous underground space that housed the hellmouth.

–:::–

"Fuck." Faith mumbled.

"I concur." said Roxelana.

They had heard the crunching of feet, yes. But it was the crunching of thousands, not hundreds. Thousands of demons, troll-like and armoured, some with spears, others with axes or swords or maces, and near the rear, archers. But none of that mattered; they might have had no weapons at all and they would still have won. Thousands.

_A hundred or so?_ Faith wondered in dismay. _Where the hell did they all come from? How could B be so wrong? Might as well have just opened the goddamn hellmouth–_

Roxelana nudged her and pointed.

It was small and shone darkly: a portal, on the other side of the cavern.

Faith shook her head. "There's no way. No way we'll get them to just walk back through, and we can't make them. Not with sixty-four."

Roxelana nodded, then: "Ring her."

"No." Faith said.

Roxelana tore her gaze away from the amassed demons to look at Faith's face. "Excuse me? Since when did you have a death wish?"

"There's no time." Faith replied, keeping her expression carefully blank, and pretending not to notice Roxelana's scrutiny. "You wanna split, then split. The way I see it, all we gotta do is seal up all the exits outta here. Could take them days to dig out, and we'll have back-up by then." She glanced around. "If I remember right, there's only seven ways out."

"Only seven." Roxelana snorted. "You are unbelievable, baby." Then she dove down and snatched the phone out of Faith's pocket. "If you won't, I will."

Faith turned on her, furious. Then seemed to remember the odds they were facing, and how necessary it was to not injure her own side.

"Fine. Whatever." she muttered.

Roxelana made her way quickly back up the tunnel, to the manhole they had entered by, and waited impatiently as the phone reconnected to its network service.

"Faith?" Buffy's voice floated down the line.

"Not so much, Slayer," Roxelana replied.

"What? Is she hurt? Why are you ringing me?" Buffy exploded with concern.

"She's fine. For now." Roxelana let the implications of this sink in before continuing. "We're about to die though, if you don't help us. Turns out Leicester's going for the world after all, and we massively underestimated the number of demons backing him. Ballpark figure – five thousand? Probably more. You have to help her," she finished. "Please."

"Why should I believe you? You could just as easily have gone back to your evil vampire ways and sold her out. For all I know, Faith could be dead and I could be walking into an ambush." Buffy replied. "If you need help so badly, why isn't it Faith ringing me?"

"You are as unbelievable as she is." said Roxelana. "For fuck's sake." She inhaled deeply. "This has nothing to do with me. In fact, I blame you. The both of you. I told Faith to ring you. She _said_ there wasn't time. She _meant_ she'd had to fight to keep you away from this battle, and now that she actually needs the help, she feels bad asking you for it."

"Don't be ridiculous. She isn't that – " _Stupid? Stubborn?_ Buffy searched vainly for a description that Faith didn't fit. "She just wouldn't, OK? Not if she was really going to die. She would want me there."

"How long have you two been out of contact?" Roxelana demanded. "Don't you know _anything?_ Did she tell you she left that old Watcher so she could find her own way? Did you _swallow_ it?"

"What are you saying?" Buffy asked coldly.

"She stopped working for Rupert Giles to be alone. She's been cutting herself off. Don't you understand what killing Genevieve Savidge meant to her? It wasn't her first kill, but it was the first person she killed that she knew and liked. And it was a complete accident. That's what haunts her most; that she kills people by accident; that just by being around her, people die. That's why she ran away, don't you see? Don't you see how perfectly she arranged everything? Working with demons instead of people. Because if we die, if _I_ die, that's one less demon to worry about. It's a blessing, not a curse. And it's one less guilt trip for my Slayer."

"And again we come back to the question of, why the hell should I believe you?" Buffy replied, telling herself that Roxelana was always a vampire first, always soulless, and never to be trusted.

"We can always come back to that question if you're pigheaded enough!" Roxelana snapped. "The answer is she dreams. The answer is I share her bed, and I wake up when she talks in her sleep. The answer is you just haven't been there to hold her when she wakes up at 4am. Don't ever tell me that you know her better than I do. She won't ring you, because she can't stand for you to get hurt. Just fucking believe it already. She doesn't think straight. Not when it comes to you."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes. Protect her."

"Twenty minutes?" said Roxelana dismissively. "Don't bother then. We'll be dead in ten. But hey, I'll be the dust pile protecting her corpse if it's any consolation."

But the line had already gone dead.

Roxelana pocketed the phone and sped back to Faith.

Faith was just finishing briefing de facto group leaders.

"… and we'll leave this one right here until last: we'll leave through here. Kill as many as you have to, but remember that killing is not our objective. The exits are all that matter. Alright."

There was something savage about her smile.

"Let's go, team."

She drew her sword and began making her way to the edge of the precipice. All around her, last preparations were being made. The vampires donned their undead faces; the borogoves peeled the skin back from their claws; hellhounds were unchained.

"You're splitting us six ways?" Roxelana muttered, jogging along at Faith's elbow.

"Gotta capitalise on speed. We never had the numbers anyway." Faith said. "Odds making you nervous, huh?"

Roxelana grinned and took out her throwing knives. "So long as I'm in your sixth, I can deal."

Then they were flinging themselves off the ledge, down a twenty-foot drop, hurtling into a wall of demons. At their backs, whooping howls and battle screams rent the air, chasing their descent.

Somehow, it didn't surprise Roxelana that Faith hadn't asked about the conversation with Buffy.

–:::–

The rumbling sound, like distant thunder, was growing steadily louder. Roxelana put it out of her mind; it made no difference, they had enough to deal with. The demons would kill them sooner than any mystery sound.

Their sixth had reached an exit. They were holding their ground while one of the warlocks set about transmuting dynamite from rock. There had been thirteen of them when they left the ledge, but they'd lost five on the way, and another two keeping the demons away from the warlock. Roxelana herself was wounded, and the shade at her side was losing its usual almost-corporeal shadowy texture, and spending longer and longer periods of time being see-through and airy. Roxelana knew that wasn't healthy.

A tower of blue flame erupted on the other side of the cavern.

"The Bohemian got one of the exits," Roxelana called. Hearing no reply, she glanced over at Faith and saw that she had been bowled over, her sword knocked away. The demon who had felled her had also lost its weapon, but seemed to have decided it would just pound Faith to death. The demon knelt over her, its colossal knees weighing down her arms, and swung.

Roxelana threw her last knife.

It caught the demon in the neck, between helmet and shoulder-plate, and it collapsed in death throes.

But already other demons were crowding past, swarming over Faith – and Faith wasn't moving, dazed, because the punch had connected with the side of her head before the knife reached the demon's neck.

Roxelana was already running to her. But it meant she had to take her eyes off the demons she had been fighting, and in seconds a spiked mace had crashed into her knee, splintering muscle and cartilage and bone. Roxelana screamed and lost her balance.

And the demons were on Faith, and Roxelana was dragging herself forward on her hands, and it couldn't end like this! She forced herself to stand on her good leg, but she'd never get there in time, and she drew her spare sword, god, hadn't she said she didn't like these odds? A demon swung an axe. Faith's throat was horribly exposed.

Roxelana didn't make it in time.

Buffy did.

–:::–

"Not an apocalypse, huh?" Buffy said, as she kicked the axe-wielding demon's head away and helped Faith to her feet.

"Just had to say 'I told you so', didn't you, B." Faith got out in between pants, massaging the side of her head.

"I don't believe those were my exact words." Buffy grinned.

Trudy and Chazza landed, separating Buffy and Faith.

"When this is done, we are having a hell of a talk," Chazza muttered to Faith. "The Dark Slayer in my kitchen, crying over her vampire fiancé. I'm still in shock."

"No hard feelings, yo. I'm just a hell of an actress," Faith puffed.

"Knew you weren't no crybaby," Trudy smirked, round-housing a demon.

"Hey, any more of you guys coming?" Roxelana asked, "Don't get me wrong, it's comforting to have a whole three extra Slayers on our team, but it doesn't change the fact we're all still going to die."

"Super-witch is on it." Trudy replied.

"Only problem is we don't have the exact coordinates of this place." Buffy explained. "Will'll teleport them as close to here as she can – but I think a tactical retreat is necessary. So we can regroup with the Slayers being teleported in."

"OK. Sounds better than dying, right, Faith?" Roxelana paused, listening for the reply she wanted, and almost lost her head to a demon with a sword. "Faith?" she ducked under the demon's swing, stepped up behind him and twisted his head sideways until she heard the soft _pop_ that told her his neck had broken. "Faith!" she sought her out desperately.

"There!" It was Chazza. Roxelana looked in the direction she was pointing.

–:::–

"I have to say it, Rubix." Faith panted: it had been hard work climbing up to the ledge Leicester was watching the battle from. "I'm impressed. For real. I didn't think you had it in you. This is a hell of an army."

Leicester grinned. "I'm so glad I don't have to pretend to give a damn about what you say anymore."

"Asshole." Faith laughed. "Wanna tell me how you did it, before I stake you? Have your moment in the evil genius spotlight?"

"It was a pretty awesome plan." Leicester admitted with a shrug. "It goes like this. I found a hell dimension, one of many that I visited. Its distinguishing feature, the thing that made it ideal for my plans, was its population. Killing machines, but intellectually under-developed. That means stupid, Faith. I know you have trouble with the big words. Stupid, and therefore controllable."

"So you brainwashed them into coming here?" Faith ignored his patronising tone.

"I destroyed their world." Leicester replied. "Well, not me personally, but a group of warlocks who I threatened to kill if they chose not to cooperate. Needless to say, they cooperated."

"So – you promised them this world? And they _listened?_"

"It isn't as though they know I'm the destroyer of their world. I'm their saviour, their messiah, their God. Why shouldn't they listen? I promised them this world would be theirs if they would just fight for it."

"So killing you won't put an end to all this." Faith muttered. "Couldn't you have just told me that at the start, instead of wasting my time with your psycho-babble?"

She turned away.

Leicester snickered. "You're just going to walk away? You think I'm going to let you do that?"

"What?" Faith snapped, "You wanna piece of me? You wanna make your name? Take a goddamn shot, you son of a bitch, this Slayer's dying for a fight!"

"Dying is right." Leicester snapped his fingers.

And suddenly Faith couldn't move. Because there were demons all over her, pinning her to the spot, like weights on her legs and feet, like chains on her arms and neck.

"Asshole." This time Faith couldn't quite bring herself to laugh. "Are you so fucking scared of me you need to hold me down to kill me? You call yourself a vampire? Man are people gonna laugh at you when this gets out."

Leicester ignored her and went to a small shelf near the back of the ledge. He took down a crossbow. It was fitted with an arrow, an arrow that lacked a metal barb – its wooden point was honed to razor sharpness.

"I always wanted to stake a Slayer." Leicester said. "Just for the irony. Just for a laugh."

He raised the crossbow and sighted down the shaft. Faith strained at the demons, clinging to her like dead weight, and felt them shift a little. If she just had a few more seconds – sometimes she detested her enhanced Slayer senses; her eyes, showing her in minute detail how Leicester's fingers squeezed the trigger, telling her there would never be enough time. She closed her eyes. She didn't want to know.

_Damn. I wish it wasn't like this._

And then her enhanced ears heard the stake whistling through the air. Heard it thud in flesh.

Faith felt the demons' hold on her loosen, and she flung them away from her, automatically, without thought. Maybe they'd thought she was dead. _But I feel great._

Then Faith opened her eyes and wished she'd died.

"No." she said.

There was a sword in Leicester's chest. There was a stake in Roxelana's.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Faith screamed helplessly.

"No time to think, baby. I just did it." Roxelana said, looking back over her shoulder at Faith.

And then Faith was covered in dust and Roxelana was gone. The stake clattered to the ground.

And all she could do was shake and blink and think _Oh, God, Roxy. Roxy. God._

Then she had to move, because the fight was far from over, and some of the dust – _her_ dust – got in Faith's eyes, at least that's what it must have been, because suddenly she was crying.

_It wasn't love but it wasn't nothing._

She didn't know what else to think. Tried to cry the dust out of her eye, cry Roxy out of her mind. And tried to run, because there was Buffy, not yet outnumbered but getting close.

_This is all my fault. How could I have trusted Leicester?_

Faith jumped off the ledge and into the thick of the fighting.

–:::–

The rumbling sound was no longer as far-off as it had been.

But Faith didn't have time to wonder what it was. They were four exits down, three to go.

Buffy was with her. It was funny how when they fought, with each other or with others, they found a kind of harmony together. Somehow the harmony just didn't translate into peace.

"Faith! They're bringing their archers up front," Buffy's voice called, breathless.

"Doesn't matter so long as we keep moving. If it gets bad, there's always those rocky bits – you know?"

"Outcroppings?"

"Sure. Those. They're all over this place. And kinda like a shield."

They noticed the absence of sound at the same time. The thunderous rumbling had stopped.

It was replaced an instant later by the soft roar of fire, a fire that came hurtling across the ceiling of the cavern and exploded against the exit that Faith had planned would be their getaway.

When the smoke and dust of debris cleared, there was no longer an exit.

"What, are they on our side now?" Faith wondered.

"I'm thinking it's more of a snake-without-a-head issue." Buffy muttered. "They've figured out we're making for the exits. So they're demolishing them, and killing us at the same time. What the hell was that anyway?"

"Flaming catapult." Faith said. "And that is one big-ass motherfucker."

Buffy followed her gaze, had to remind herself to breathe.

"Faith. We need to get out of here. Like _now_."

"Want to get your people?"

"I think they know." The rumbling had started up again. "Faith, they're turning it! They're turning it to the exit behind us!"

Trudy and Chazza had reappeared, diving for the exit, a narrow slit in the rock face. Buffy and Faith were on their heels a second later.

_Why aren't the demons chasing us?_ The thought had barely formed in Faith's mind when a hail of arrows fell on them.

Chazza took an arrow in the arm, another in the shoulder, but she was close to the exit and all it took was Trudy, stumbling into her, losing her balance because she'd taken an arrow through her ankle, to force both of them through.

Faith felt an arrow skim her neck. She didn't care. They were close, that was all that mattered.

Until an arrow punched through Buffy's calf, followed by a second through the back of her knee.

Faith knew the moment Buffy stumbled; her footsteps at her side were all she'd been listening for.

She swept Buffy up, glimpsed the second flight of arrows, shimmering above them. It was almost beautiful. But she knew better, and ran for one of the rocky bits. Outcroppings.

She hunched down, catching her breath, listening to the clang of arrowheads hitting rock. Buffy stared up at her, eyes glazing over with pain.

"You're bleeding," Buffy whispered, touching her neck. The realisation seemed to give Buffy new vigour, because she began to look around them for a fallen rock that they could use for a shield. The exit was ten feet away, but there were hundreds of arrows trained on them. Buffy didn't want to leave it to chance.

And then the rumbling stopped.

Buffy went frantic. They had to get out _now, now, now_. They'd never be able to fight their way through this army of demons, not with her leg. They wouldn't be able to make it to the last exit, on the other side of the hellmouth. She could feel her throat closing up with panic as she scrabbled around for something, anything.

Faith watched her disinterestedly. She had patrolled the hellmouth countless times. She knew Buffy wouldn't find anything of use. She glanced around, saw the rows of archers, the giant flaming catapult being loaded, the exit ten feet away.

It came to her that she knew exactly what this was. A Fork.

And it was as simple as that.

She found herself with a hand on Buffy's shoulder, pulling Buffy back into her embrace, and then she was on her feet.

_Run._

Maybe time slowed down. All Faith knew was that running ten feet should never have felt so long. She was vaguely aware of Buffy's mouth, open in a silent scream. She didn't have to hear to know what Buffy must be saying. Maybe Giles would explain about Forks to her one day, Faith thought idly.

The first arrow almost didn't hurt. It scratched past her cheek, close, but not close enough. But the second fell in the soft place between her neck and shoulder, the third in her lower back, and those, _man, those hurt like a mother bitch_.

She noted the soft roar that filled the air, and noticed, detachedly, that her lips were bleeding where she was biting down on them.

She was at the mouth of the exit when the fireball hit.

–:::–

"Faith!" a torch flickered to life and Buffy's face loomed in front of her, her skin incredibly pale, as she whispered, "Shit. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I didn't think," Faith said, then cursed softly. Because suddenly what Roxelana had said made a very different kind of sense. _I didn't know you felt like this. I didn't know not-thinking meant thinking faster than you ever thought before, feeling more than you ever felt before – damn, Roxy, how could you pretend it was all just sex?_

"Stupid!" said Buffy, and there were tears in her eyes.

"So what?" said Faith. The world around Buffy's face was spinning and she knew she wasn't going to be conscious for much longer.

"Let's not be Slayers," she said, "just for a second, B. Forget there're demons and Slayers, forget this whole insane world we live in. Let's be ordinary people. Human."

Buffy had already opened her mouth to protest, to hush her, afraid that she was losing her mind now that she was so close to death. But then she looked deeper into Faith's eyes, and saw that they had never been so lucid, so calm or sane. "OK," she said.

Faith sighed, almost relaxed.

"Good," she said, " 'cause that's the only way we'd ever work."

"What?" Buffy asked, because this sounded like the conversation she'd been wanting to have, the conversation that had fallen apart every time she'd come close to starting it.

"B," Faith said seriously, "I could've loved you. I wanted to love you."

"Oh Faith," Because the words were killing her.

"We could've been good. Better than good."

"Shut up, Faith," Buffy said desperately. "Don't say how it could've been–"

"I'm dead, B. There's no coming back from this."

Buffy blinked the tears back. "I know. But don't tell me you could've loved me. Don't tell me we could've been good. I love you, I have since we were in LA. And we were hell of amazing together in LA."

"B–" Faith started coughing.

"Faith, tell me you love me."

Faith met her eyes steadily. "Fuck the words, B. Words are just air, and love could never be that simple. Or what the hell does love mean to you?"

"God, I don't know." Buffy muttered. Oddly, the question made her think of Roxelana. "Love is dying so the person you love can live?"

"How the fuck should I know?" Faith said. But Buffy felt sick.

"I thought you were going to forget about being a Slayer and be honest with me for once," she said softly.

"This is honesty. People don't know jack about love, they just feel it."

"You didn't need to say 'I love you' like this!"

"How else?" and it felt like she'd spoken the words out loud, but maybe it was only her thoughts, louder than usual as they clamoured to be heard in her dying brain.

How else could I make you believe it, how else could I prove it was real? Love is more than sex, more than words, more than a simple 'I love you'.

_And how else could I prove it to myself? I didn't even know until I had to die for you to live. Not for sure._

_Now you know. Now I know._

_I love you._

Buffy was holding her so close she felt it when Faith's heart came to a shuddering stop, heard her last breath sighing out of her mouth.

For a long time she couldn't move. Didn't believe she would ever move again.

–:::–

They say your life flashes before your eyes as you die.

This didn't happen for Faith. For Faith there was just one scene.

In it, she was standing, staring at the wall of a motel room, alone. Or not quite alone. Because Faith wasn't really staring at the wall, she was staring at the photograph pinned there. She'd pinned it there herself, at eye-level.

She'd pinned it on a multitude of motel walls, and stared at it an infinity of times. Maybe that was why this was the scene that replayed itself as Faith died.

Faith knew what was coming next as her memory-self sighed. Felt herself tense up, all confrontational and guarded, the way she did in real life whenever she saw that face. Then felt the slumping of her squared shoulders, the conscious uncurling of her fists. Because there was no fighting this.

And then Faith spoke.

"I want you." she said simply. "And not just your body. I want all of you. Everything." And she hated the way her voice got so soft and low: intense – obsessive. It scared her how much it mattered. "I'm not asking for anything, I never would. I just – I owe it to you. I owe it to myself. There's no time just to wait for some accident to happen for me to find out how you feel, and there's no point wishing for things just to be how I want. So I had to tell you. I think–" even now she stumbled over the words. "I could love you. I mean potentially, one day. In the future. And maybe even right now. And I know we fight all the time, I know the idea of us being an _us_ isn't logical. Well, I don't care shit for logical. I fight you, sure. I always will. No one pisses me off the way you do." Faith sighed, because it felt like everything was coming out wrong. It always felt that way. "The stuff you say – it matters, it matters to me, yo. Other people, they trash me and I can walk on by. You, though – you I gotta fight. I can't stand when you hate me." She stopped again, conflicted. But it was just a photograph, so she made herself carry on. "All I know is, I can't _not_ say something. I need to know how you feel. Because I don't want to run away from you. I want to try and love you."

The photograph stared back at her, smile unwavering. And Faith wanted, as she had always wanted in the days just after LA, to have that smile directed at her for real.

This time when she reached for the phone her hand didn't shake and falter. This time she managed to dial the whole number without losing her nerve halfway through. She stared at the photograph as she listened to the line ring. She'd never got this far before.

The phone on the other end of the line was picked up on the third ring.

Faith took a deep breath – it felt like the last one she would ever take, like she was about to jump off a springboard and into the terrible unknown – and started speaking again.

"I want you." she said simply. And after that she couldn't stop.

And the words didn't sound crass or inappropriate this time, and she managed to say everything without hanging up in awkward embarrassment, and the silence on the other end of the line didn't hurt as much as she had expected.

And then the silence ended.

"Dumbass." Buffy said. "I love you."

And Faith's heart stopped.

**The End**


End file.
